


For Her Sake

by Kiwi1018



Series: When TROS Breaks Your Heart... [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Bendemption, Episode X, F/M, Finn Needs A Hug (Star Wars), Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), POV Finn (Star Wars), Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey & Rose Tico Friendship, Rey Needs A Hug, Reylo - Freeform, Rose Tico Deserved Better, Rose Tico Needs A Hug, Rose Tico gets a hug, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, The Force Ships It, finnrose - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:34:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 28,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24377326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiwi1018/pseuds/Kiwi1018
Summary: A year after the defeat of Palpatine on Exegol (where Ben Solo most definitely did NOT die), Rey is breaking ground on a new school for Force users, and she’s begged Finn to be there. The time has finally come: Finn can no longer avoid meeting...him.At least Rose will be there, too. It might not be a total disaster.~~~~Or, how Finn (reluctantly) meets Ben Solo, comes to terms (mostly) with Rey and Ben’s relationship, and (finally) sees what has always been right in front of him.————————This is a continuation of my previous fic, A Little More Conversation, however I’ve tried to include enough background information so that this will make sense even if you haven’t read that!
Relationships: Ben Solo & Rose Tico, Finn & Ben Solo, Finn & Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Finn & Rey (Star Wars), Finn & Rose Tico, Finn/Rose Tico, Rey & Rose Tico, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: When TROS Breaks Your Heart... [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1761187
Comments: 167
Kudos: 169
Collections: TROS Reylo Fix-it Fics, The Rise of Skywalker: Fix-It Fic Edition





	1. Arrival

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super shout out to lakerose, who requested a Ben and Finn conversation! I couldn’t fit it into what I’d already planned for ALMC, but it sparked the idea for this one!

Finn has been dreading this day for months. Over a year, if he’s honest with himself. Since that night around the fire on Ajan Kloss, when Rey had told them, him and Poe and Rose, that _he_... had survived Exegol, Finn had known, somewhere, deep down, it would eventually come to this.

Actually, he’s being dramatic. At the time he’d had no idea. But later, when the Maggadan Consortium offered to host a new Galactic Alliance, in exchange for Rey teaching their young crown prince about the Force, and then Rey had revealed her _grand plan_ that was all great except for _one thing_ and then she’d confessed to actually being _in love_ with... _him_ ( _love_?? Is _he_ even capable of _love_?) and when she’d finally looked at him, so imploring... well, Finn had known then for sure, it would eventually come to this.

They’re breaking ground on Rey’s new Force training school. Jedi school? He’s not sure what she’s decided to call it... if she’s decided. But she’d asked him to come. Begged, really, made him promise, way back, when _they_... first moved to Corylus, one of the moons of Maggadan, where the school will be located.

“You do know they have droids for this kind of thing,” he’d said to her, when she first suggested it. And she had laughed. _Laughed_. He could count on one hand the number of times he’d heard her laugh in the year after Exegol. And now it seems like she’s laughing all the time. Every time they talk she’s smiling, bubbling, full of plans and ideas.

“Oh Finn, of course we’ll use droids. But the groundbreaking, it’s symbolic. We’re having a little ceremony, you know. _Symbolic_. You have to be there. Please. It won’t be the same without you. You were basically my first apprentice.” All in her sweetest, most imploring voice.

And how could he say no to that? She’s so _kriffing_ happy now. All. The. Time. It’s...it’s... exasperating.

Since discovering that all his life he’s not just had _good_ _instincts_ , or a _sixth_ _sense_ , or just been _darn_ _lucky_ , but is actually using the Force, he’s had a vested interest in the future Force users of the galaxy. And he has to admit, Rey’s plan is good. Starting a school to help a new generation of Force sensitives understand how to use the Light side of the Force, how to welcome this gift into their lives, without adhering to the rigid standards of the old Jedi order... She’ll be good. She’s taught him well, these past few months, helping him find control, and balance, and how to use his gift to help others... or she had taught him well, until she’d... left.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You’ll come visit us, right? Once we pick a spot?” It’s an unusually humid day, even for Ajan Kloss, and Rey’s hair curls in tendrils around her face. She’s positively glowing, Finn can’t help noticing. And it’s not just the heat. She’s been glowing for days, inside and out.

The whole base is a bustle of activity today, the atmosphere buzzing with excitement. He’s been helping her load supply crates onto the _Falcon_ all morning, but now they’re done. There’s nothing left to do but say goodbye. Because she’s leaving today... going to _him_.

They’re all leaving, actually, sooner than later. The base on Ajan Kloss is being broken down, and much of the necessary (meaning whatever’s still useable) equipment has already been moved to the capitol city on Maggadan, where the remains of the Resistance will form the backbone of a new Galactic Alliance. Leia’s vision is coming true, again. But for them, here, now... it’s the end of an era.

“Oh, uh, yeah, ‘course I will.” He stretches, wiping sweat from his forehead.

Her face breaks into that smile, the one he can never say no to. But there’s a... maturity about her now. That raw, sparkling young woman he met just over two years ago has... solidified. She’s so much older now than the sum of her years. But given what she’s been through, what she’s done.... it’s not surprising. And now she’s leaving.

Leaving the Resistance, although of course she’ll be a part of what’s to come.

Leaving her friends, though they’ll all see each other again soon.

Leaving him, for...

“And you can always come see us,” Finn adds, “at the capitol, if, you know, you need a break from...”

“We’re going to get married,” she interrupts quietly. Suddenly she looks so young again, so fragile, equal parts hopeful and disbelieving.

He blinks. “You’re... what?”

She hurries on. “Ben wants to. It’s important to him. And... it sounds nice. Really nice. To be, you know...”

He finds his voice, choked as it is. “Is that what you want?”

She blushes, looking away. “I know it’s silly, I mean, it shouldn’t matter that much... it’s not something I ever imagined, for myself, it all just seems like, not a life I ever thought I’d... have. But, yeah.” She turns back to him now, a soft smile lighting up her face. “I do.”

“Wow, Rey, that’s... um, yeah. You deserve-”

_Better._

_More._

_Everything._

“To be happy. You really do. Con--” He coughs, clears his throat. “Congratulations. Really.”

She smiles again, gratefully, and wraps him up in a hug. “Thank you.” She pulls back. “Don’t tell anyone else, okay? I mean, I will, later. After.”

“Yeah, you got it. No problem.” He is certainly not brave enough to be the bearer of _that news_ to anyone.

“You could tell Rose, though. Actually, on second thought, that would be a good idea. Tell Rose. I couldn’t ask you to keep a secret from her, that’s not fair.” Rey has the hopeful look on her face again, but he just shrugs.

“Yeah, uh, no, maybe you should tell her yourself. You know, girl stuff...?”

Married... her... _him._

She hugs him again, quickly. “You’re right. I’ll comm her later. Promise you’ll come visit us,” she says again. “We have to keep up your training,” she teases. “I’ll let you know as soon as we’ve picked a spot.”

“Yeah, Rey...” he sighs. “Yeah. I promise.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As he approaches planetfall he takes the pilot seat of the _Land Shark_ , the small interplanetary cruiser that he’d checked out for the trip. He’s become a decent pilot in the past couple of years. He’d been figuring out the _Falcon_ for a while there, Chewie letting him sit in sometimes when Rey and Poe weren’t there. But now he’s learned most ships aren’t even as complicated as the _Falcon_. Okay, no other ship he’s ever been in is as complicated as the _Falcon_.

Poe’s offered him some flying ace tips, but Finn will never be a fighter pilot. Hopefully there won’t be much need for many of those anymore, anyway. But by now he can make his way around a console in most of the cruisers and transport ships in the current fleet. And these star yachts practically fly themselves anyway.

He’d hoped to travel with Rose, but she’d been held up finishing the upgrades on the construction droids, and would bring them up in the heavy load transport the next day. And he’d already told Rey he’d come, they’d set the date. He couldn’t delay again. So here he is, approaching Corylus alone, on the way to what he’s sure will be the worst vacation he’s ever had.

Even Poe isn’t going to be there, the moof-milker. _Emergency support mission_. Sure. He claimed he wanted to come, was sad to miss it. But then again, Poe’s already met... _him_. Came up when they’d first arrived, to get the generator set up, help plot the site. Poe has the advantage of having known _him_ as a child. Finn still finds that hard to imagine... _him_. _As a child_. Poe could fall back on those memories, or, if nothing else, on his respect for Leia, all those years, serving under her, seeing those rare, brief cracks in her resolve, the pain of her broken family that she tried so hard to hide, to move beyond. Poe knew first hand of Leia’s faith in her _son_ , her unfailing hope that _he_ would someday come back to the Light.

Finn doesn’t have those roots, that lens to look through. What Finn sees when he looks at _him_ is the stark horror of a chrome and obsidian mask. The drip of sweat down his spine as he stood at attention, praying fervently not to be noticed. The massacre at Tuanul Village. A spitting red lightsaber leaving him face down and unconscious in the snow. That’s what Finn sees when he looks at... _him_.

But he also has... _Rey_. His first friend, who looked at him like no one ever had. How happy she is now. How much she believes in _him_. How much she wants them to be... well, maybe _friends_ is too much to ask for. Even she knows that. But... cordial, anyway. Not enemies. So, Finn will try. For her sake.

*************

Finn has the coordinates but it’s not until he sees the familiar shape of the _Millennium Falcon_ that he’s sure he’s in the right place. It’s awfully... arid, here. Maybe all that time in the jungles of Ajan Kloss spoiled him. His new home, the capitol city on Maggadan, is a metropolis, but it’s got mountains, trees, a river nearby... Corylus isn’t exactly a desert, but it looks like it’s only a couple of dry seasons away from becoming one.

He runs through the landing sequence... alright, he watches as the ship runs itself through the landing, and when he can delay no longer, he throws on his jacket and hits the switch to lower the ramp.

Rey is waiting for him at the bottom, bouncing on the balls of her feet, and all at once she’s throwing her arms around him.

“You came!” She squeals. _Squeals. Stars..._ that _happiness_ again.

She pulls back to look at him. “You came,” she says again, quieter this time, with gratitude. As though she’d been afraid he wouldn’t.

His heart clenches, convicted. “Of course I did! I told you I would! Wouldn’t miss it!” He sounds a bit hearty to his own ears, and of course, she can probably tell, but she graciously takes his words at face value and crushes him in another hug.

It’s been almost three months since he last saw her on Ajan Kloss. They’ve spoken by holocom, keeping in touch about what he’s doing in the new Alliance, his work with displaced former stormtroopers, and about her ideas for the school. But seeing her in person is so much better.

He steps back for a minute, holding her at arm’s length, just taking her in. She looks good. So good. Glowing. Her aspect in the Force is... _whole_. The word pops into his mind. As long as he’s known her, she’s always been a bit... unsettled. Unsure of her place in things, even when she was the famous Last Jedi of the Resistance, everyone’s hero. But now there’s an anchor in her soul, a...balance that hasn’t been there before.

Maybe it’s because of the Jedi school. That would make sense. She’s got a place now, a purpose. Finn nods affirmatively, smiling at her as she watches him curiously. That’s got to be it.

Finn blinks, suddenly feeling silly. She’s just _Rey_. She’ll always be _Rey_. And he’s been staring too long. He grins at her. “It’s so good to see you.”

She smiles as Finn looks around, wondering now where... _he_ is. But she misinterprets his gaze.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” She pulls him away from the ship, spinning him around lightly to take in the panoramic picture of.... not much. But she’s bubbling over. Again.

“We’ve got it all plotted out, dorms, a great hall with classrooms, kitchen, a training gym, a greenhouse...” she’s pointing across the landscape to each location, enraptured, as if she expects he can actually see the buildings, as if they are already there, shimmering in the bright sunlight. Maybe to her, they are.

All he sees is the _Falcon_ , some large cargo containers of supplies, and grass. Lots and lots of knee-high brown grass, waving lightly in the breeze. Not even a tree.

She must notice his less-than-enthusiastic response, because she stops, a slight frown crossing her face.

“Of course, it doesn’t look like much yet.” She swallows, a crease forming on her forehead, those hazel eyes dimming.

He’s convicted, again. _Kriff._

“Aww, no, Rey, it looks great. Really great. I can imagine it all.” She smiles gratefully at him, taking his arm, and he’s humbled by how easy she is to please. He vows to try harder.

He squints when they step out of the shade of the yacht, and she turns apologetic.

“I know it’s a bit, barren...” and again he hears a bit of doubt creep into her voice. “Compared to Ajan Kloss, or even Maggadan. But it’s much greener in the rainy season, really lovely.”

He feels guilty all over again. He doesn’t want anything to ruin her joy. Her dream.

“Rey.” He stops, turning to look at her. “It’s amazing. And you did it.” He searches his brain for something, anything encouraging to say. “I can see why you like it... it’s got sun, and it’s warm, but it’s not so sunny and warm as the desert.” He’ll never forget his own trek across Jakku. If he never goes back there again it’ll be too soon.

He fishes around for more good things to say. “Plenty of space to build whatever you want. You’ll have amazing sunsets... and the stars at night. Wow.”

She’s smiling again, and he feels her joy return. “We will, won’t we? There’s a lake not far, you can’t see it from here, but it’s not as dry as it seems. Ben really wanted to take a spot on the coast, there is an ocean, of course, but... I’m a desert girl.” She says this proudly, and decisively.

Ben. Right. Well, now that _he’s_ been mentioned... “So, where is, uh... Ben?”

“He’s on the _Falcon_...” She says, suddenly hesitant. “He’s making... lunch? For all of us? It’s lunchtime here,” she sounds apologetic. And nervous.

Finn suddenly feels terrible that he hasn’t come to see... _them_... sooner. They didn’t have a big wedding, just stopped on Naboo on their way here, so he was off the hook there. Turns out that’s the place to go for off-the-book weddings. Who knew?

But above all... she’s his best friend. Always has been. Always will be. She shouldn’t have to be nervous about him meeting her... husband. He does have to choke that word out, even in his own mind. But still... he should have come sooner.

“Great!” That overly hearty voice surfaces again. “That sounds great. I’m starved.”

They approach the _Falcon_ at a leisurely pace, her hand still tucked in the crook of his arm. They chat about his trip, and what their other friends are up to, but then she quiets, slowing down as they approach the _Falcon_. He might be imagining it, but it seems like she’s... delaying. Just a bit. She’s projecting calm, but maybe she’s as nervous about the whole thing as he is.

The boarding ramp is down, and there are several storage crates scattered around in the shade under the ship. She hesitates only slightly before leading him up the ramp. Their footsteps echo on the deck, and Finn feels an irrational need to... announce himself. He certainly doesn’t want to sneak up on the guy. But then he remembers, _he_ can probably sense them coming. Right.

It’s been several months since he last set foot in this ship that he once felt, for better or worse, he practically lived on. It is slightly cleaner than he remembers, and some new furniture in the lounge gives it a cozier feel. Homey, he had to admit, and the smell is definitely much improved.

And then too soon they’re rounding the corner to the tiny galley that’s really more of a cupboard than a kitchen, and there _he_ is, wearing not oppressive black (really, what was he expecting?) but just a brown short sleeved shirt, olive work pants, basic brown desert boots, with a towel tucked into his waistband like an... _apron_?... looking nothing like Dark Side dictator Kylo Ren and everything like a guy making lunch for his wife and her friend, and he raises his eyes to meet Finn with a measured gaze that betrays _he’s_ just as nervous as he is.

And that’s how Finn finally meets Ben Solo.


	2. Meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who spent waaay too long researching Dejarik when she should have been schooling her kids?  
> *raises hand*
> 
> Who actually understands how to play Dejarik?  
> *lowers hand*
> 
> ————————————

Although he’d never seen _his_ face as a stormtrooper, of course Finn knew what _he_ looked like. During the last year of the war, holos of the Supreme Leader without his mask weren’t unheard of... but he’s never seen _him_ up close. Their encounter on Starkiller was a blur of crimson shadows... and in their brief engagements between Crait and Exegol, Finn had never really looked at _him_. He’d only seen the black cloak, the looming gaze. _The_ _enemy_.

So for a moment he’s surprised. He probably wouldn’t have recognized _him_.

“Finn.” Ben’s voice is level, deep but not menacing. “Glad you could come.”

Ben extends a hand and Finn... _flinches_. He’s not proud of it, a second later he can feel his cheeks getting hot, because _of_ _course_ Ben’s going for a handshake. What did he _think_ he was going to do? But Ben notices the hesitation and stops, shifting smoothly into taking off his _apron_ , as if that was the plan all along.

Finn’s been preparing for this moment for a while, but somehow everything he thought he might say has flown right out of his mind, which is probably why the only thing he can come up with is, “You cook?”

If Ben is surprised by this introduction he doesn’t show it. “I’m learning,” he says, with a glance at Rey, his gaze soft. He looks back to Finn. “In the... Order... I ate what you ate.”

Finn’s surprised by this, he’d certainly expected there were executive feasts on a regular basis.

Ben seems to notice, because he adds quietly, “In the end... we were all soldiers, Finn.”

Is that supposed to be some kind of an _explanation_? An attempt at _apology_? Finn frowns, pursing his lips, not sure how to respond, because _not_ _all_ _of_ _us_ _by_ _choice_ is what his mind mutinously supplies, but before he can spit it out, Rey interrupts.

“Let’s eat.”

She’s smiling, obviously relieved that no punches have been thrown yet, and taking Finn’s arm, she leads him into the lounge.

******************

They eat all crowded around the Dejarik table. Apparently, Ben does most of the cooking. It’s... edible. Actually, it’s pretty good. For ship’s cooking. But Finn doesn’t feel the need to gush about it. Rey takes care of that part. She compliments all of it, eating slowly, savoring each bite.

Finn thinks back to that first meal with her, at Maz’s castle on Takodana, the way Rey watched as more and more food was brought out, the mingling of awe and fear on her face. How quickly she ate, as if it might disappear. She used to stash rations under her bed, back on Ajan Kloss, and for a moment his heart softens, for her. That she’s finally experiencing some real, good, food. Finn glances at Ben. And that she has someone to cook it for her.

Ben eats slowly, matching her pace, but then it occurs to Finn that _she’s_ matching _his_ , and that she feels safe, and provided for, and suddenly he feels an odd and uncomfortable sense of... gratitude? Toward _him_...? Rey, the last hope of the Jedi, who defeated Palpatine but worried about having enough to eat, she feels _safe_. She’s being _taken_ _care_ _of_. By _him_.

Ben is reserved, quiet, but Rey is animated enough for the both of them. “So, Finn, fill us in on the latest gossip with the new Alliance,” she says with a smile, trying to draw them both out.

So he launches, hesitantly at first, into a replay of the latest council meeting, relaying with weary chagrin the factions that have already formed, the debates about fair representation, and what he’s learning about the intricacies of lawmaking, and trade regulation, and in about five minutes he’s rolling his eyes in exasperation and Rey is laughing fondly and Ben... well, Ben is _smiling_. Shaking his head in... understanding. Because of course he was once the self-proclaimed _Supreme_ _Leader_ _of_ _the_ _entire_ _galaxy_. And, Finn remembers with a start, Leia was his mother. He grew up with this stuff.

Finn has to admit, the guy’s no idiot when it comes to politics. It turns out he does have a few good ideas. Even an insight about reducing trafficking through the new hyperspace lanes that Finn is going to shamelessly present as his own at the next council meeting.

Finn relaxes a bit, glad to be on a subject he’s familiar with, something he can take the lead on, and Rey... she’s smiling. She’s _happy_.

*****************

As lunch winds up, Finn sits back, looking around the old ship, remembering how much time he’d spent on it in the past two years.

“I can’t believe you’re still living on the Falcon. You could have gotten a housing module set up pretty quickly,” he says between slurps of Andorran pudding.

Ben shrugs noncommittally, with a trace of what Finn interprets as bemusement on his face, but Rey absolutely beams.

“Oh no,” she says. “I love this ship. _Love_ it.” She emphasizes, as though expecting an argument. But neither man gives her one. They’ve both seen what it, and she, can do.

“And anyway,” she adds. “It’s exactly where I wanted to spend my honeymoon.” Ben’s bemused smile broadens and softens at the same time, his gaze falling upon her with an air of wonder, and more than a touch of pride, even as he’s shaking his head as though he can hardly believe it. Or her.

Finn looks away, his love of Andorran pudding suddenly stifled. He feels rather than sees a long beat pass between them, and for just a moment the Force _hums_ , and then Rey stands, swinging off the bench with her usual coaltish grace.

“Well, you cooked, I’ll clean up,” she says, stacking plates, “why don’t you two fire up the Dejarik table. I don’t have the head for it, but Ben loves it, and he hasn’t played in a while. I’m sure he’d be glad to get a game in with you, Finn.” It’s clearly not a suggestion.

She bustles off to the galley, leaving both men staring after her.

After a beat, Ben pushes aside his mug with an air of determination, and reaches over to flick the switch. The table sputters and flickers, and for a moment seems reluctant to cooperate. But then the creatures appear, faded but clear, flexing their various appendages in preparation for the battle to come, and Finn sighs.

Trapped.

“Guest chooses first,” Ben says, gesturing at the pieces arrayed on the board.

Finn nods. “Okay. Yeah.” They’re really going to do this. _For_ _Rey_ , he reminds himself. _You’re_ _doing_ _this_ _for_ _Rey_.

Once the pieces are set Finn makes a standard opening and Ben parries, and they go through several rounds of cautious back and forth, making short initial strikes as their pieces circle each other warily.

Ben focuses on the board, thinking through each move but without excessive contemplation. Finn gets lucky and draws first blood, which Ben accepts cooly, when his Ng’ok swoops down on Ben’s Grimtaash.

Finn sits back then, taking a moment to stretch, and, feeling magnanimous, remembers his commitment to himself. To Rey. He’ll _try_.

“So,” still not sure what to call him, he chooses to forgo the use of any particular name, “love this game, huh?” It’s a weak opening, even he has to admit that. But it feels like an accomplishment.

Ben nods with a half shrug, his tall frame hunched slightly over the table, eyes still on the board. “I played a lot as a kid. With Chewbacca, mostly.”

Finn startles. Of course he did. And then he narrows his eyes. Finn has _also_ played mostly with Chewbacca. And Poe, but it usually took the combined brainpower of them both to have any hope against Chewie. And they rarely won.

In fact, come to think of it, the only times he can remember the Wookiee _not_ winning were when they’d get interrupted by some system on the Falcon blowing, or an alarm ringing, or one or the other of them accidentally bumping the switch to end the whole thing. It’s a very sensitive switch.

Finn leans in again, considering his next move. He decides on a risky gambit, but if he’s set it up right....

“We played a lot with Chewie too,” he offers. “Poe and me. During the... war.”

Ben keeps his eyes on the board, betraying nothing, but after his next move he speaks. “Did you ever win?”

“What?” Finn says, trying to sound indignant. “Of course!” His voice is oddly high. He reigns it in, going again. “Of course, lots of times, always. I mean, not always, but some. Sometimes.”

Ben looks up now, surprised, but then a placid look settles on his face. “Hm,” is all he says.

Finn’s suddenly flustered, although why he should care about lying to _this_ guy he has no idea.

He looks at the board again, deciding impulsively on a reckless move with his Monnok. He takes it, then immediately regrets it as Ben’s Savrip pounces.

Ben smiles. “Always, huh? With moves like that, I assume?” But there’s no malice in his voice, not even any mocking. Just...friendly humor.

Finn is suddenly convicted. He sighs. “Yeah, actually, no. We never won. Not even once.”

Ben nods, a real grin cracking out on his face, although he stifles it quickly.

It’s quiet for a few more rounds, and then Ben says suddenly, “Yeah. Me neither. A few times, as a kid, I could tell he’d let me win. But...” Ben makes a move, and then adds, “Did you ever play him on any table other than this one?”

“What?” Finn thinks back. “No, I guess not. Why?” He’s completely lost track of the game, making another careless move, this time with his Ghhhk.

“Chewie cheats.” Ben says simply.

“What?? I knew it!! I _knew_ it!” Finn slaps his own leg in triumph, and has a sudden urge to comm Poe. They’d always _wondered_.

“How do you know? And honestly _how_? How can you even cheat at this game, I mean, it’s an electronic program!”

Ben shrugs again, just as mystified as Finn. “Honestly, I have no idea. I never figured it out. Messed with the programming somehow. But he always won. And the real evidence: he always _refused_ to play on any other table.”

Finn shakes his head. “Wookiees... I’d always thought they were so... honorable.” He huffs.

Ben nods. “They are. But also a lot of pride. It’s a delicate balance.”

Ben’s Houjix takes Finn’s Ghhhk, and then, sitting back, Ben asks abruptly, “How’s Rose?”

“Um, Rose?” Finn’s confused by the change of topic, and why it’s suddenly so hot in here. “Um, she’s good? I mean, I guess, she’s fine. Fine, last I talked to her.”

Ben gives him a strange look and Finn says suspiciously, “I didn’t know you guys were friends.” She’s never really mentioned Ben, other than in conjunction with Rey. But she has been helping a lot with their project...

Ben shrugs. “I don’t know if we’re... friends exactly. I’m not...” He frowns, then adds, “But I thought maybe you...?” Ben squints at Finn, and it seems like he’s being _examined_ , although he doesn’t feel anything through the Force.

Finn narrows his eyes, overcome with curiosity. He prods, just a little, through the Force... payback, maybe. But, truth be told, he really doesn’t want to get too close to _that_ _guy’s_ head. And right now Ben is well shielded. So instead he leans back, crossing his arms.

“She’s coming tomorrow, you can ask her yourself.” Finn’s still not sure what he missed but he’s definitely suspicious now.

“Sure,” Ben says mildly. “I will.” He jerks his chin toward the board. “Your move.”

They lapse into silence as the game continues. Ben makes a move that seems too obvious, and Finn takes a long minute trying to find the trap. Eventually he plows ahead anyway, and in a few more rounds Ben’s Kintan Strider is lifting Finn’s K’lor’slug up over it’s head in victory.

Finn shakes his head, sitting back, reluctantly impressed. “That was a long con, man. You set that up way back and I walked right into it.”

Ben sits back too, that trace of a smile on his face, clearly not wanting to boast but radiating satisfaction. “That’s what I love about this game. Patience.” But then his mouth twitches. “And luck. Lots of luck,” His voice chokes almost as if he’s holding in a chuckle, and he looks away quickly.

And now Finn knows: he’s been played twice. “Aw, man, you didn’t...” he sits back again, shaking his head, and he knows now Ben’s overemphasized frown is definitely concealing a smile. “You didn’t have a plan. You just...”

The frown turns into a smirk. “I didn’t have _no_ plan,” Ben protests. “Just...”

The both feel her presence at the same time, and look up to see Rey, leaning against the wall in the hallway, beaming at them.


	3. Remembering

“You doing okay?” Rey asks Ben when he steps into the galley.

“Me? Yeah. I’m good. I won.”

Rey goes up on her tiptoes to brush a quick kiss on his jaw. “Not too quickly, I hope,” she says with a wink.

“Nah. He was doing okay until he lost focus...” Ben rolls his eyes a moment, and Rey laughs.

“Ben. You didn’t.”

“What? No! No way. I would never. I am staying well away from his head. He already thinks I’ve got you under some kind of Dark Side mind meld,” he grumbles. “He doesn’t need any more ammunition there.”

“Ben. He does not.”

He gives her a skeptical raised eyebrow. _Are you sure?_ She hears in her head.

She scrunches her nose at him. “Yes,” she says aloud. “Anyway. I’m going to show him around the site, maybe go to the lake, will you come?”

“Nope.” Ben says quickly. “Definitely not.”

“Ben...” She draws out the syllable. “You said you’d try.”

“Hey,” he says in mock indignation, “what have I just been doing?” He gestures back out toward the lounge.

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She laughs gently. “I just... he needs to get to know you, who you are now. I want him to trust you.”

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“Sure, sweetheart,” he says, with just a hint of sarcasm and the sly grin that always accompanies _that_ particular endearment. “That’d be lovely. Someday. But right now it’s not me he needs to trust.”

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The sun is bright in Finn’s eyes as they leave the shadow of the _Falcon_ , but he has to admit the heat’s not unpleasant. Once they get out walking he begins to relax a little. He did it. He played Dejarik with Ben Solo, and yeah, he lost, but whatever, never mind not upsetting a Wookiee, he definitely doesn’t want to upset... yeah. And now he’s spending a whole afternoon with Rey.

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He’s really missed her, missed this, just hanging out, talking, her infectious enthusiasm for everything, her innocent wonder at all things new. He remembers that first time they met, how lost and alone he’d felt, how brave they made each other. That sense of wonder when they’d finally escaped Jakku and he realized he’d found someone. Someone like him. Someone new to the world outside what she’d grown up with. Someone looking for a home, for a family. Knowing there must be more to life that what they’d been dealt.

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She shows him the survey markers for the main buildings, walking him around the sites, pointing out where the main hall will be, how all the buildings will form a large courtyard. The dorm windows face the sunrise, and they’ll see the sun set from the dining hall.

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The Maggadan government had offered them a variety of sites. She and Ben had scouted them all, open minded, feeling out the Force at each one. “We’re not starting a Jedi school. It’s... something new. So I want to build something new,” she’d explained during one of their holo calls. “Something free from tradition or expectation. Something... _ours._ ”

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There’s a light breeze that smells dry and fresh, so unlike the humid jungle air of Ajan Kloss, or the constant myriad of city odors of Maggadan. The sky is a bright, crisp blue, streaked with high white clouds. The grasses are knee high, and up close brown isn’t the right description. They are shimmering waves in shifting shades of ochre and sienna, chestnut and hazel, russet and umber, more colors than he has names for. Now that he’s out in it, touching the grasses and breathing the air, smelling the wind, he sees and feels how much life there is on this moon. There’s a small butterfly with six wings the color of creamy caf, and iridescent golden dragonflies that flit and buzz in the breeze. Furry brown rodents skitter between burrows buried in tufts of grass.

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It’s not barren at all, and once he breathes and relaxes and opens himself up to it, he can feel that the Force positively flows around him. It’s alive, vibrant, pulsating... but not overwhelming, the way the city sometimes is, when he’s unfocused and tired at the end of a long day. He can feel now what a great place it will be for learning to feel the Force... accessible but not overpowering. At peace. Balanced.

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“Rey, this is...” he’s still searching for the words. “This is perfect.”

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And he feels again how pleased Rey is with all of it, her certainty, her satisfaction, and how much his admiration, his acceptance, soothes her soul.

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“Want to go see the lake?” she offers, gesturing to the horizon. His gaze follows hers, surprised he missed it, and she smiles. “You can’t actually see it from here, but the moon’s so small, the horizon is a lot closer than you think. We could walk, but it’s a bit far for this time of day. Maybe we could take your ship...?”

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“Sure. Let’s go.”

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But then she’s hesitating a moment, her gaze suddenly distant, and so he offers, tentatively, “Does... uh... Ben want to come?”

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Her eyes return to him, and she shakes her head, a slight smile. “No. He doesn’t.”

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Finn’s not sure if she actually knows this or has decided for him, but he accepts it without question. With relief.

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The lake is just a quick hop away. From the air it’s a modest size, as lakes go, shimmering silver and deep blue, rimmed round with trees and bushes, but on the ground that near horizon plays tricks again, and the opposite shore seems far away. From here snow capped mountains are just visible in the distance, and Finn feels a little less isolated, the land a little less desolate.

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They disembark into that ever present breeze but here it’s cooler, damp. Trees cluster in groups around the lake, several species coexisting at this oasis. They’re both quiet as Finn follows Rey to the shore, and then to his surprise she bends down and unfastens her boots, removing one, and then the other, and, peeling her socks off, she looks up at him with a twinkle in her eye.

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Finn smiles, delighted, and does the same, rolling up his pants, placing his shoes next to hers on a rock, and they step into the water.

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It’s warmer than he expects and surprisingly clear, although their footsteps stir up clouds of mud and algae. Rey goes in only a few paces, the water barely touching her knees, and stands quietly, her gaze on the lake.

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“Anything in here gonna eat my toes?” Finn asks. He’s not really nervous, but still... he’s been to enough weird planets to take nothing for granted.

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She laughs at this, as he’d hoped. “Nothing you won’t see coming long before. Anyway, what kind of a Jedi are you, if you can’t sense the approach of a life form intent on devouring you?”

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He chuckles in return, but it’s short lived, and... that’s the question, isn’t it? What kind of Jedi are they?

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For himself, no kind, he’s sure. Jedi are... wise, all-knowing sages. Brown robes and lightsabers, serenity and inner peace. He is none of those things. But then, the Force within him... he can hardly remember what life was like without it.

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And Rey, well... She had been trained in the Jedi ways, at least briefly. And she’d told them how on Exegol, facing down the Emperor, the Jedi of the past had reached out to her, embraced her. Empowered her.

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But now she’s...starting a school, but not a temple, _married_ , to a... former Dark Side user, who she’s convinced has returned to the Light and lived to walk in it. He knows she feels the weight of a thousand generations is a lot to carry.

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She smiles at him, almost as if she can hear his thoughts, although he trusts her enough to know she’s not prying. She just knows him that well.

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“Yeah. What kind of Jedi are we? Your kind, I guess. You’re the only _master _I know of,” he says with a shrug and smile.__

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But for now, her mood is light, and she bumps him back with a scoffing snort and a smile.

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They fall into silence again. It’s peaceful with the light lapping of the waves, the cooler breezes. Fish splash in the lake, but nothing that seems frighteningly large, and he notices now that there are birds in the trees, tiny things, also brown, but like so much of the life on this moon, they have their own unique shade.

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Finn can tell Rey is wistful... melancholy even. And, because he feels like they are closer today than they’ve been in months, he feels brave enough to push, just a little.

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“Whatcha thinking about?”

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She smiles, her gaze still on the horizon. “Takodana, actually. That was the first time I’d ever seen a lake. I couldn’t believe there was that much water in one place, all green and blue and... do you remember? When we landed there?”

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She turns to him now, suddenly solemn. “Did you know it was the beginning of the rest of your life?”

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Finn frowns, thinking back. What he remembers is that she landed there with them, but she wasn’t with them when they left. And he’d gone with Han and Chewie to D’Qar, a heavy silence hanging over them the whole way, each of them troubled for their own reasons by _who _had taken her, and Finn had no idea what to do or how but he just knew he had to get her back. Save her from...__

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But. This has been such a nice afternoon. They’ve talked and planned and dreamed and laughed together in way they haven't in a long time. And he doesn’t want to ruin that. So, instead he says, “Yeah, I mean, I hoped it was. I didn’t have anything to go back to, I was running away from the only life I’d ever known... so, yeah, I didn’t know what would come next, but I knew it wouldn’t be what was behind me.”

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“Did you,” he asks after a beat. “Did you know?”

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She answers quicker than he expected, decisively. “No. I was going back to Jakku. To wait for my family. I was sure of it. I had no idea...” She trails off.

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_No idea what?_ he wants to know. _That you’d learn about the Force? That you’d become a hero? That you’d meet... him? Did you know even then you were... that he would... that you..._

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But Finn doesn’t ask any of these questions. Whether because he’s brave or a coward, he’s not sure. But it doesn’t matter now anyway.

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Eventually, he ventures, hoping it’s the right thing to say, “Well... you made a new family, huh? So maybe that worked out okay.”

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And she turns to him, and smiles, one of those bright, light up the sky smiles, his ray of sunshine, and puts her arm around his waist, leaning her head on his shoulder. He’s surprised, but so pleased, and he returns the gesture, wrapping an arm around her back.

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“I did, didn’t I? We did.” She nods. “We did.”

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They linger at the lake for the rest of the afternoon, wading, exploring. They watch a herd of short haired quadrupeds snuffling and splashing, and Rey claims she can see the _Falcon_ from a perch at the top of one of the tallest trees, but Finn is content to take her word for it.

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“Ever skipped stones?” She asks him with a gleam. A challenge.

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“Ben taught me,” she continues. “I didn’t quite understand the why at first, but now I’m coming to see the point is in the practice. The search for mastery in repetition and form. Good lesson for a Jedi, I suppose,” she says, crinkling her nose.

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“Okay,” he shrugs, “sure. Teach me, _master._ ”

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“ _Master._ Hmm,” she says with a sly smile, “First we’ll need some stones...” and she gestures along the shore.

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She’s up to something... and then it hits him. “Lifting rocks.”

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“Indeed...” Her eyes gleam as he catches on. He shakes his head.

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Rey gives a bow with an elaborate sweep of her hand... “My young _apprentice_ , if you would be so kind as to procure some for us, please. About this big,” she gestures. “Smooth, flat...”

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“Young...” he grumbles. “You do know we’re about the same age... and anyway, what’s wrong with using the perfectly adequate hands we got?”

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Force telekinesis is really not his thing. He tries regularly, as part of his training, tries to work it into his meditation, but so far it’s just not clicking. He’s at peace with it, his strengths seem to lie in other areas... however, she doesn’t accept this as a permanent condition. So, here now, with her, he shakes his head and smiles, closing his eyes, remembering again...

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Emerging from the cave on Crait to see dozens, hundreds of rocks suspended in the air around him, seemingly as light as snowflakes. Of course, they had hardly even know each other at that point, had spent mere hours in each other’s lives, but already, he’d known...

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Rocks. Right.

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He reaches out as she’s taught him, feeling the flow of the living Force around him, through the air, the water... tiny darts of energy that he takes to be fish; larger, deeper wells of life further out in the lake. The wind ripples the water and the sounds, the sensations are amplified as his mind eases into the shallows. He can feel the shapes of several small stones, pebbles, really, and he eases the Force around them, following their curves, feeling out the shape they make in the fabric of being... but nothing happens. He grimaces, lifting his hand, showing them which way to move, calling to them with the Force that binds all things.

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He sighs in frustration, dropping his hand with a exasperated slap against his thigh. The water ripples as though disturbed... but there are no rocks in his hand, not even any suspended in the air. Nothing.

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Rey smiles, a gentle chuckle escaping from her, floating away on the breeze.

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“Don’t worry about it, Finn. It’ll come. Or not.” She shrugs. “But you’ve got plenty of other strengths,” she says with a wink.

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He tries to shake off the frustration, rolling his eyes, stretching up on his toes.

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Rey wades out in the lake, bending to the water, selecting several smooth stones. He smiles, appreciating that at least she’s not showing off her own amazing Force powers. She looks at him mischievously over her shoulder, as if perhaps she heard him.

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“Come on... bring those perfectly adequate hands over here and I’ll teach you what to look for in a skipping stone.”

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“Ben’s got dinner ready,” Rey says as they land back at the site, the short hop sending them into the blaze of sunset. Corylus’ quick rotation means it’s getting dark fast, the sun sinking rapidly, casting red and gold and amber light across land.

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“You know, I think,” Finn clears his throat. “I think I’m gonna turn in for the night. Long day on my end, with the time change, and I’ve got some rations here, I’ll be alright.”

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He sees and feels her disappointment, briefly, but she doesn’t voice it.

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“But thanks. Thanks anyway,” he says, and she nods, smiling, accepting, and he adds, “but I had a great day. Really great. Thanks... um, thanks for inviting me. This place is great. I am... sorry... it took me so long to come.” He shrugs, feeling embarrassed, contrite, but she smiles. He knows she can feel his sincerity. She gets it.

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He opens the hatch for her, the warm air buffeting against the ship’s cooler atmosphere.

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She pauses at the top of the ramp. “I’m so glad you came. See you in the morning?”

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“Yep. Bright and early! Or, not too early. Whenever.”

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She smiles, “Rose should be here about midday, right? Then we can get started.” Finn feels a pang of guilt that turns quickly to excitement. In the midst of everything that’s gone on today, he’d almost forgotten Rose was coming. But now that familiar mix of joy and contentment and that warmth that he always feels when he thinks of her comes over him. She’ll be here tomorrow. She’ll be here, with her kindness, her infectious energy and her quick mind and her soft heart. Tomorrow he won’t be facing all this... alone.

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“Yep. It’s gonna be great.” And he realizes he actually means it.

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	4. Awkward Truths

Finn wakes up in the tiny bunk in the yacht, and for a moment it’s just another mission: another night spent in the recycled air of another spaceship, another disoriented morning on another new planet. But then it all comes rushing in...the Jedi school. Corylus. Rey. _Him_. A groan escapes before he even knows it’s coming. Swinging his legs to the side of the bed, he sits up, stretching, already feeling the tension gather between his shoulder blades.

But then he stops. He can’t do this to Rey. He’s here for her, not _him_.

And Rose will be here... the thought elicits a genuine smile, now. She’s been working on this almost as hard as Rey. He’s going to help make it a success. For both of them.

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He dresses for another hot, dry day, and downs a ration bar as he makes a quick cup of caf in the galley. He’s really hoping now that Rose gets here soon. She’ll be such a good... buffer. She gets along with anyone, Finn smiles, although, remembering their first meeting... that had been a little rocky, when she’d tased him. But once they got past that... they’ve been friends ever since. Good friends.

Finn downs the caf too quickly, then decides he’d better start the day with meditation. Rey has been trying to impress upon him the importance of meditation with the Force. Letting it flow though him, not to control it but to join with it. She’d confessed with a smile that it had been difficult for her at first, too. But worth it. So, he’s been trying. And it’s... calming, he’s decided. And steadying. And, honestly, getting easier.

He takes up a moderately comfortable position in the middle of the tiny lounge, eyes closed, turning inward, trying to wait, to breath. He’s surprised by how quickly he sinks into the Force here. On Maggadan there are so many voices to tune out, such vibrant, sometimes overwhelming, _life_. But here... it’s peaceful. So few life forms, such.... stillness.

In fact, the only life forms he can sense at all are Rey, and... _him_. Finn blocks _him_ out quickly, _not going there_ , but he lets his thoughts dwell for a moment on Rey, not intending to invade her privacy, but a familiar place to center himself. Her warmth, her spirit, have long been a comfort to him, an important part of... home.

He’s missed her, he thinks to himself, not desperately, but certainly truthfully. His thoughts brush hers again, closer than he’d meant to go, almost against his conscious effort. She’s so... content, he can tell, in that space between sleep and waking, and he realizes he’s gone too far. He is pulling back when she suddenly... disappears. She’s gone.

His eyes shoot open in a panic, jumping to his feet. If that... _he_... did something to her... Reason and thought fly out of his head as he slaps his hand to the hatch release, jumping out before the ramp even hits the ground.

He bolts for the _Falcon_ , seeing their ramp is still descended. Shouldn’t they close that thing at night? How safe is that, sleeping with their ship wide open on a strange planet? Maybe something has happened to her, something she couldn’t sense coming.

He’s up the ramp and running now, calling out to her.

“Rey? Rey!” Trying to keep the fear out of his voice, but also, what could possibly have happened to her? There’s no sign of a struggle in the lounge, but—

And then the door to the captain’s cabin slides open, and there she is.

“Finn?” The confusion, the sense of alarm in her voice are real.

Finn comes to a halt, breathing hard, so relieved to see her. Her hair is down, her cheeks flushed, and she’s wrapped up in a light blanket, held at her chest with one hand. And then he realizes with a start, she’s wrapped in _only_ a light blanket.

Finn blinks, his mind hurtling over the fear he’d come in with and running headlong into... the truth. His eyes slide briefly off of her and into the room, where... _he_ is, sitting in the bed, only a sheet across his lower half, frowning but looking equally... disheveled. Equally flushed.

And Finn suddenly feels like the biggest idiot, the biggest third wheel, and the most embarrassed friend, ever. In the history of the galaxy. The universe, probably. All of time and creation.

Rey is the only one among them who seems to remember how to speak. “Finn. Are you ok? What happened?” She’s truly more concerned with him than herself, or her state of undress, or anything else. So like her.

Finn lets out a breath, shoulders sinking. “Rey, I’m... sorry.” He’s trying to shake it off now, maybe he can play it off as something else, something real.... But no. Not with her.

He sighs, lowering his voice, as though maybe he can minimize his mortification if at least _he_ doesn’t hear... But that’s probably impossible.

“Listen, I was just... meditating. I wasn’t snooping, honest, but I was just, you know, seeking out the life around me, through the Force, like you taught me,” he knows that’s not going to buy him anything, but he’s got to try, “and... you were there... and then you... weren’t.” He shrugs. “Sorry.” He adds again, a slight question, a slight defense.

“Oh,” her mouth drops as the sound escapes in a sigh. Her cheeks flush even brighter now, and she looks down at herself, realizing what she’s wrapped in, but behind her _he_ chuckles, a low rumble. A sound that Finn had never considered ever hearing from _him_.

Finn has now completely, totally, and fully died of embarrassment. He’s sure to collapse on the floor, dead and gone. Just drop the gravestone right over him.

He stands there a moment too long, the connection between his brain and the rest of his body short-circuited, as Rey looks away, flushing even brighter red, seemingly frozen as well, until finally _he_ clears his throat, and she blinks. Turning back to Finn, she smiles. A concession, a shrug, and, he sees it now, also a bit of pride.

“Why don’t you go outside,” she says gently, gathering her blanket about her, turning back into the room. “I’ll be there in a minute.” She smiles encouragingly, nodding at him, assuring. “I’ll be right out.”

Finn nods, turning quickly now that his faculties have been restored, and heads down the ramp as fast as he can without running. It’s not fast enough. Or far enough.

***************

Rey comes to sit by him much sooner than he expected. She’s properly dressed now, her hair tied back, mostly normal color returned to her cheeks. He’s not ready to meet her eyes, staring off into the grasses rippling in the morning breeze.

Finally, she speaks, startling him in the silence. “Mental shields.” She says, quietly.

“Yeah. Got it,” he replies curtly. _Got it_.

But she’s not ready to let it go. “There’s not usually anyone else... here. But we are going to have Force sensitive students, eventually, so we’ve been... practicing.” And she chokes, holding in a giggle.

He’s not amused.

“Come on,” she says, poking him in the side. “It’s funny.”

He shakes his head.

But she’s not done. “It’s a little funny, at least. Come _on_ ,” she drags out the last word. “It’s rather difficult, actually, to keep them up, while letting go of...everything else.” And now she’s completely failing to suppress a laugh, leaning into his side. “It involves... compartmentalizing. Ben’s quite... good at that, actually. He’s been... teaching me.” She finally chokes out the last words and dissolves into giggles.

But he’s still too far past embarrassed to laugh. And not just embarrassed. He’s successfully avoided so far even _thinking_ about what they... may or may not... do. But now it’s too late.

Her humor dies off as he refuses to join in, and she’s quiet a long time, looking out over the landscape. He doesn’t know what to do, what to say, and he considers walking away but honestly doesn’t want to, because then what?

And then she speaks, her soft voice loud in the silence.

“Finn... are you in love with me?” And her voice is so reverent, so solemn, and that is _so_ not what he was expecting her to say, that he laughs, and the tension breaks.

“Nah, Rey. I’m not.” He turns to her now, a sad smile on his face. “I mean, you’re amazing. I tried. I really did,” he’s wistful now. “For a while there, I thought I was, that I could be. I wanted to be.”

He looks away again, thinking about how to explain.

“You were the first person who was... nice to me. I mean, I had some buddies, back then, sure. We had some fun. But you...” He shrugs. “You made me feel like I could be a better person. That’s your gift, Rey, to the world. You make people want to be who you think they are.”

He has a sudden revelation. “That’s what happened to... Ben, isn’t it? Yep,” he’s pursing his lips now, nodding. “It makes sense. He met you, you did your... thing,” he waves his fingers, as if it’s some kind of Jedi mind trick of hers. “And you turned the Supreme Leader. _Stars_ , Rey, that’s some kind of power.”

She’s laughing now, head back, her joy echoing around the crates stacked under the Falcon.

“Oh Finn,” she puts a hand on his back, still catching her breath. “Oh my...There was a _bit_ more to it than that... you’re too kind.”

But he’s shaking his head. “Nope. That’s it. That’s what happened. Does he know, that it’s all a Jedi—?” He waves his fingers again. “That he’s under your spell?”

She sobers slightly, still smiling, but a sudden solemnity comes into her voice. “He knows, Finn. He knows.”

And again, Finn feels like he’s stumbled a little too close to... _them_.

“Anyway... I’m not in love with you. But,” realizing it now, he has to tell her. “All the same, I’ve always thought of you as... mine.” He shrugs. “Sorry, I don’t mean that in a creepy way.”

She pats his arm, nodding. “I know.”

“It’s just that, well, you’ve been with me the whole time. Since we met, since I became _Finn_... you’ve been there. You’ve known me my whole life, my new life. And I’ve known you _your_ whole life, since Jakku, I mean, since, becoming a Jedi... Your new life.”

He pauses here. He’s reached the hard part. The part he’s just now admitting to himself.

“So I guess, when you told us about... Ben. And about how you had this secret relationship with him... Of all the people in the galaxy! That none of us knew about. That _I_ didn’t know about. It was like, suddenly you were a stranger.” He sighs. “And that hurt.”

“Oh Finn,” she sighs, tucking her hand into the crook of his elbow. “I’m so sorry. I... wanted to tell you. Maybe I should have. But it seemed so... dangerous, at the time.”

He pats her hand awkwardly. “I get it, Rey. It’s probably good that you didn’t tell us right away. It probably wouldn’t have gone over too well. But now...”

He sighs again, the relief of his confession dampened by the weight of the truth. “It’s a lot to get used to.”

Now that he’s started, he’s got to get it all out. The truth. “And you’re just so... good, Rey. You’re so good. You’re so bright, you’re always a ray of light. And of all the people in the galaxy, you go for... him? I mean, he’s exactly your opposite, Rey.”

But here she cuts him off. “He isn’t, Finn. Not in that way. He _isn’t_.” She’s firm, but he can hear the pain in her voice.

“I know it’s hard to explain, but... he’s changed. Or, now he’s who he always was, who he wasn’t allowed to be. The darkness in him, it was Snoke, or Palpatine," she shakes her head. "Snoke abused him, Finn. For years. Tortured him, broke him, used him, whispering lies in his ear, until he believed it. You understand that, I know you do. I’m sure you’ve worked with stormtroopers who are tormented by what they’ve done, _wrecked_ by their actions in the First Order. I know you understand that. Well, he is too. And eventually, he broke free of it. He’s... free now.”

She sighs, and a single tear tracks down her cheek. She wipes it away quickly. “He made mistakes.” Finn tries to hold in a scoff with minimal success.

“Lots of them,” she continues. “We could talk all day, all year, about his past, and what he’s done. What keeps him up at night, what torments him in his sleep. And it won’t change anything. So, we’ve decided to look forward. Together. To fix what we can. He’s been given a second chance. We both have. I _died_ on Exegol, remember?”

“Rey...” he can’t keep the pain out of his voice. Of course he remembers. He _felt_ it.

“And Ben brought me back. He gave me his life, thinking it would cost him his, and he did it _willingly. Gladly._ That’s proof, Finn, if you need it. It’s more than proof.” She stops again, staring out across the grass, wiping away tears, the ache of the past seeping through the years.

“Yeah Rey, I know, you told us, but...” he doesn’t want to hurt her, he doesn’t want to make this any harder, but he has to finish... “Do you know it’s going to last? I mean, you’re bringing kids here, Force sensitive kids, and he’s...” Finn’s not sure what to say, what he meant to finish with.

_He’s Kylo Ren._

_He murdered his own father._

_He’s probably killed kids._ _Just like his grandfather._

_What if he corrupts you and you’re too blind with love to notice?_ There. That’s the question he can’t ask.

But somehow she seems to know, or sense, at least the essence of his question. She turns to face him, her pain radiating through the Force, her heart on her sleeve. “I can’t explain it exactly, but our bond... I know him, Finn. I’ve seen his heart, his soul... we can’t hide from each other. I know him like I know myself. I just know.”

Then her gaze and her voice are suddenly icy. “Finn. I love you like a brother. You’ve been my best friend for as long as I’ve had friends, for as long as I’ve known what ‘friends’ even means. And I think I’ve been yours. And you don’t have to like him, or even trust him, really,” and here her voice wavers, and those eyes, those eyes that bored into his on Takodana, when they barely even knew each other, imploring him _don’t go_... those eyes are blazing before him now, burrowing into his heart in the way only she can, “but I do hope you will, someday...” and then the hardened resolve returns. “But after everything we’ve been through, you should trust _me._ That’s what hurts, Finn.”

And giving him a sad smile, she stands, and walks back up the ramp into the _Falcon_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS- I tagged this as a Rose fic- so where’s Rose?? Next chapter! Sorry for the delay, there were some things for Finn to work through first! I promise she will get more than 1 minute and 16 seconds of screen time here!!


	5. Compassion and Confusion

Finn doesn’t watch her go, and in a few moments he stands and heads back to the _Land Shark_. He considers leaving, just loading up and taking off... but. He doesn’t do that anymore. Run away. Especially not from Rey.

The thought hits him like a punch in the gut. _Maybe he’s ruining it for her_. Her big day, the start of her new school. Maybe she’d rather he left, so she could be alone, without... with...

But then he shakes his head. _Get a grip_ , he thinks to himself. It’s _Rey._ She’s still Rey. She invited him. She believes in him. He’s just not sure, right now, if he can be who she wants him to be. If he can just... _forget_ everything he knows about... _him_. Even for her sake.

***************

Finn stays busy for the rest of the morning, catching up on work in the small lounge of his ship, keeping a close eye on the scanners for Rose’s arrival. At one point he reaches out to Rey, just lightly, never mind the trouble _that_ got him into just scant hours ago. But she feels peaceful... not angry. He sighs. She doesn’t give up on people. And he won’t either.

When his proximity alert beeps he jumps up to the cockpit, overcome with relief to see a boxy heavy load transport cresting the horizon. _Rose_.

“Hey hey,” he greets her on the comm. “You’re here!” Obvious, yeah, but he’s just so glad to see her. He’s always glad to see her but this is better than ever. She’s here now. He’s not alone.

He’s greeted with a buzz of static, then “... Oh! Finn! Hi. But don’t bug me,” he can hear the concentration in her voice. “This thing’s a beast in atmo, I really don’t want to crash... just...hang on... I’m heading down now...”

He’s out the door and striding across the grass the minute she touches down. She’s barely stepped out of the passenger hatch near the cockpit before he’s swept her up in a hug.

“Whoa!” She yelps, obviously surprised by the intensity of his greeting.

And yeah, that’s not the type of hug he usually greets her with, but he’s just so _glad_ to see her that he can’t help it. He laughs, giving her another squeeze before putting her down. She steps back, smiling but eyeing him warily.

“Hello to you too... that bad, huh?”

“What?” Finn cocks his head. “No. I mean, yeah, but...” he shrugs. “Now you’re here.”

Rose narrows her eyes at him, still with a suspicious look on her face. “Alright, what did you do?”

“Me?” He squeaks, but then Rose’s face lights up as she spots something over his shoulder, and he turns to see Rey and Ben approaching. Rey is delighted, practically skipping to meet her friend, Ben following at a more measured pace.

Finn stands back as Rey wraps Rose in a hug. “You’re here!” Then she turns, and her gaze takes in Finn as well. “We’re all here. Finally. ”

Finn smiles back sheepishly, ducking his head, thinking he should probably apologize but he’s not sure for what, because he’s _not sorry_ for wanting Rey to be safe, or for just trying to get her to understand why he’s concerned, because he cares...

“Hello Rose,” Ben says, stepping up as Rey releases her. “Thanks for coming. And for bringing all this,” he gestures at the colossal load lifter still clicking and cooling behind her.

“Hey Ben,” Rose says easily, and to Finn’s surprise and relief at least she doesn’t _hug_ _him_. “I wouldn’t miss it. I think I’ve got everything you need, the inventory’s inside, but we loaded it by stages and grades, so it shouldn’t be too complicated unloading.” Ben nods and begins to follow Rose as she turns back to the ship.

“Were you able to find a replacement for the ’four twenty-seven?” Ben asks.

“Yeah, I looked into it, plugs from the ’four sixteen should work...”

Finn is gawking, because when did _they_ get so friendly? And before he can even form the words the indignant thought flies out of his mind:

_You just got here!_

Rey turns to him sharply and Ben stops, turning slowly to look at him curiously over his shoulder. At least Rose doesn’t seem to have heard; she takes a few more steps before noticing that Ben has dropped behind, then turns, a question on her face.

Finn is frozen, mortified for the second time today, but then Rey smiles, a mischievous gleam in her eyes.

“Ben!” Rey says gently, admonishingly. “Rose just got here!” There’s something about her tone that makes Ben pause.

“Ah. Yes,” he says, looking back to Rose. “My apologies, Rose. You just got here.” He places a hand on her arm, guiding her back to the group, and Finn bristles at _him_ touching her—

Rey nods decisively. “Exactly! Yes. I’m sure it’s all fine, we’ll start on it first thing tomorrow. Thank you, Rose. For everything. For now, relax a little! Ben’s going to make a nice dinner for us all, and he needs my help, so Finn, can you take Rose out to show her the lake?”

The moment stretches out through one, two heartbeats, and then Rose says quietly. “I’ve seen the lake, Rey.”

Rey gives her a look that he doesn’t understand, and Finn really feels like he hasn’t quite caught up to what’s going on, but the look on Rey’s face is so hopeful and Rose looks so... doubtful...? and before he knows it he’s nodding, because going to the lake with Rose sounds like a great idea, he’s been waiting all day for her to get here and... why does Rose look so uncertain?

Maybe because they’re all staring at her, and her cheeks flush slightly before she nods. “Sure. If you want to, Finn,” as she finally looks at him for the first time since she arrived.

“Um, yeah. Of course! Of course I do, Rose, I’ve been waiting for you... to get here.”

She finally smiles, small but honest, as she says, “Okay then. I’ll just go get my...” she gestures back to the ship. “Be right back.”

Ben nods, “See you at dinner,” then gives Rey a fond smile with a slight shake of his head and starts back toward the _Falcon_.

Finn can’t quite figure out what just happened, but spending time with Rose is just what he needs and he definitely doesn’t want to lose her to _work_ when she just got here and she works so hard _all the_ _time_ and... he hadn’t realized just how much he was looking forward to seeing her until she was _walking away_ from him.

“Um, thanks.” He says to Rey, and she pats him lightly on the arm, offering a gentle smile. He clears his throat then, and his voice is quiet, sincere. “I’m sorry. About earlier.”

She gives him a quick squeeze. “I know. And I do... appreciate it. You looking out for me. I do. But for now... go be with Rose. Have fun,” she says, like it’s an order. She twirls and heads back toward the Falcon. “But not too much fun!” She calls over her shoulder. “Be back at sunset!”

*******************

Rose is subdued again during the quick hop to the lake, and Finn isn’t sure what happened or how to draw her out. Is spending time with him so disappointing for her? He knows she’s invested in the project, but if Rey doesn’t want to start today it must be okay... and then he realizes he can’t remember the last time they really spent time together, alone. They’ve both been so busy since the move from Ajan Kloss, and when they are together there’s usually Poe or Kay or any number of their other friends about, and more often than not they’re surrounded by chaos and conversation and companionship.

So now... it’s so quiet.

***************

When they get to the lake Rose seems her old self again, exclaiming over the changes in the flora and fauna since her last visit, recounting the latest gossip back at headquarters, and Finn smiles, because _this_ is how it’s supposed to be, with _her_. It was always this easy with her, he can’t remember why he doubted it.

He spots a perfect skipping stone and decides its time to show off a little.

“Hey, check this out, Rey showed me yesterday, it’s called ‘skipping stones.’ Ever heard of it?”

She shakes her head, and he demonstrates, quite pleased with himself for managing three skips on the first try.

Rose watches intently, and he can practically see the calculations in her head, the analysis of ideal trajectories, angle of impact... he chuckles fondly.

She looks at him, suspicious, and he shrugs. “You’re going to be better at this than me in about five seconds,” he mourns.

She nods. “Probably. But you could try bringing your elbow up a little on the release...” and then he’s laughing. _Of course_.

They get into it then, and the competition is fierce. He finally claims victory with six in a row, and try as she might she can’t beat that.

“Longer arms,” he boasts, demonstrating. “Gives me a better, uh, torque ratio...” and then the look on her face is so skeptical that he breaks down laughing. “Yeah, I have no idea.”

“You don’t say,” she says wryly, but the affectionate look in her eyes warms his heart, and for a moment his breath catches in his chest. _Rose_.

She looks confused again suddenly, and almost... afraid?

And then she’s turning away, picking up another stone, although she doesn’t throw it, just fidgets with it in her hand.

“Where did Rey learn a game like this anyway,” she finally asks, breaking the silence but still staring out at the lake. “She grew up in a desert.”

“Oh, uh... Ben taught her?” He’s not sure why that sounds like it’s a question, it’s just that his heart and his mind are still back in that moment when she’d looked at him so _fondly..._

“Oh,” she says. “Yeah, seems like something he’d like.”

Finn frowns now, remembering earlier. “I didn’t realize you and... Ben were so close.”

Rose turns to face him, suddenly defensive. “Rey’s my friend, he’s important to her. Why wouldn’t I try to get to know him too?”

“Well, yeah, sure, just, you’ve never mentioned him, or...” Finn backtracks.

“Well, I’ve been working on this project with them for a while now, so. Yeah. I guess we’re friends,” she huffs. “Anyway, I can’t exactly talk to you about it, you’re so... prickly about him.”

“ _Prickly!?_ ” Finn exclaims. “Well, yeah I’m _prickly_ about my friends being around...” _Isn’t that obvious?_ “I mean, he’s... you know.”

Rose narrows her eyes at him. She’s quiet for a long time, so long that Finn starts to fidget under her scrutiny.

“What?” He finally asks, exasperated.

“Finn...” she says, almost cautiously. “I know you have... history with him, from... before. But... I mean, have you even really talked to him? Since Rey...?”

“Ah, Rose, not you too!” He groans. “Did Rey put you up to this?”

“Finn!” Her voice is surprisingly sharp as she rolls her eyes. “What are we, twelve? No one ‘put me up’ to anything.”

He rubs the back of his neck, feeling slightly abashed.

“Come on Rose, I don’t want to talk about him... I just want to spend time with you.”

“You do?” She looks confused again, and he’s hurt by the suspicion in her tone.

“Well, sure I do, I mean, we haven’t talked much lately—”

“Finn. We work together. Almost daily.”

“Well, yeah, but... at work.” He’s struggling to put into words the feeling that came over him when she arrived. “We’re always busy. I just... I’ve missed you,” He realizes. That’s what he’s been trying to say. _I miss you._

“Um... okay. Yeah, I’ve missed you too,” she says quietly, looking up at him, and for a moment she looks more vulnerable than he’s ever seen her. But then she takes a step back, her face hardening again.

“Why now?”

“What?”

“Why have you just decided you _miss me_ now? It’s been months since we’ve really hung out, just us, and so... why now?”

“Well, uh...” what kind of question is that? He needs a reason to miss his friend?

“I guess, just... with Rey being so happy and... you know, dealing with... _him_ ,” he frowns, rolling his eyes.

“Ah.” Rose says, as though she finally understands something, but how can she, because he hardly understands it himself, he just knows that it’s so much better when she’s around.

_Anything._

_Everything._

“So this is really about Rey and Ben?” she asks sadly.

“Well,” he feels like he’s stalling, because that’s not really what he meant, and yeah, they don’t usually talk to each other like this, but he can’t figure out _when_ it got so hard to talk to her...

“Okay, sure, it hasn’t been the most comfortable time for me, hanging out with...” Finn finally admits.

Rose looks defeated, almost wounded. “Have you actually spent any time with him? Since you’ve been here?”

“I’ll have you know, we played Dejarik yesterday and he was quite... civil.” Finn replies primly.

Rose scoffs. “And were you equally civil?”

Finn frowns, hurt at the thought that his own civility would be the one in question.

“Anyway, have _you_ really talked to him?” Finn is indignant.

But then Rose is quiet again. “Well, yeah, I have. I mean, some. He’s not quick to open up, for obvious reasons. But yeah.”

“Oh.” Finn is surprised by the sincerity in her voice. The compassion.

“But, Rose....” He’s hard pressed to keep the desperation out of his voice. “He’s _Kylo Ren_.”

“You think I don’t know that?” She bites out, and he feels chastised.... _she lost her home, her family. To them._

“When I met him, yeah I was prepared to hate him. I was sure he’d done something crazy” she swirls one finger around her head, near her ear “to Rey. But... he’s not what I expected.”

Finn’s shaking his head, ready to interrupt, but she continues thoughtfully, almost reluctantly. “But have you ever stopped to think about _how_ he got there? How _Leia’s son_ became Kylo Ren? Because does he look or act _anything_ like Kylo Ren now? Would you even recognize him, how he is now, what he’s doing... the way he treats Rey?”

“Oh no, Rose, come on! The First Order! What they did! To your home, to me, I was kidnapped as a child, Rose!”

“Yeah, Finn. I know. I know.” Her voice is heavy with sorrow. “We’ve all lost... so much. But the _First Order_ took you. _He_ didn’t. They molded you, made you into a soldier. So,” she says quietly, “what if they did the same to him? Can you even imagine what a prize he was to them, the son of the Rebellion’s most famous leaders? The grandson of Darth Vader, and what they had to do to him to get him there, with them?”

“Who’s this _them_ you’re talking about, Rose? _Them_ is _him_! He was the _Supreme Leader_!” Finn protests.

“Yeah Finn, yeah. I know. But... maybe we don’t really understand the path that led him there.”

Finn stops, all the fight draining out of him in a moment. He feels desperate, weak, adrift.

“What? _Understand?_ What is there to _understand?_ Rose, he had a _choice_.” Finn protests. _He had a choice. We didn’t._

“Did he Finn?” Her vehemence is startling. “Have you really listened to Rey? When she talks about the Dark side, what it does? You’re a Jedi, or whatever, you should understand that better than I do.” She huffs. “And what they’ve done to fight it, and now what they’re doing here, what they’re trying to guard against. They’re fighting back in a way that will last.”

“Rose,” he says, reaching out, trying to comfort her, but she shakes him off, wiping at her eyes, although he doesn’t see any tears. Finn sinks down onto a rock, feeling defeated. Deflated. And so confused. Rose, of all people, fighting for _him?_

Rose sits down next to him, gentle now. “Finn, this isn’t my story to tell. But, maybe, think about it. About the torture he endured. I’ve seen abuse, Finn. I know what it can do to a person. Being faced with choices between bad and worse, day in and day out. Yeah, they took your home, they took mine. But they took his too.“

They’re quiet for a long time. _It didn’t ruin you,_ he thinks, frustrated. _It didn’t ruin me. Or_ _Rey_. But then he remembers the transport on Pasaana, and when she’d told him of her vision of herself on the Dark Throne, and how for a moment, just a moment, he was scared. For her, and of her.

Finn’s thoughts are in turmoil, and he knows he should turn to the Force, that he should find peace and balance there, but for now he’s so... tired.

Finally he speaks into the silence, his voice catching on the breeze, but he’s not angry or defensive... he’s just sad.

“Rose, did you ever see him in action? Because I did. I saw him give the order to cut down a whole village on Jakku. And now I’m just supposed to be _happy_ that he... and Rey... are.... I’m just supposed to _forget_ that?” His heart feels so heavy. For her, for _him_... for all of it.

“I don’t think anyone’s asking you to forget that, Finn.” Rose says, still so gentle. “No one’s forgetting that, least of all him. But maybe you could try to see who he is _now_. Give him a chance. Don’t keep holding his past against him.”

“I’ll never forget my family. Paige,” she continues. “ _Never._ But do you want Palpatine running the galaxy again? Because he would be, without them. Do you want Ben in prison for the rest of his life? Would that bring my family back, or yours? Do you want him executed for his crimes, for _surviving_ , enduring years under the influence of... _them_. Would that help Rey, with what she’s trying to do? What they’re doing here, they’re trying to be prepared, to fight that evil if it ever rises again. Same as we’re doing, with the Alliance.”

She sighs, exhausted. “And if nothing else, trust Rey. Don’t you think she’d know? Don’t you trust her, if... no one else?”

Finn shakes his head, frowning to himself. This sounds too familiar.

“He’s really got you on his side now, huh?” He says wearily. But there’s more defeat than anger in him now.

“Finn... I’m not on anybody’s _side._ It just... I see how this hurts you, and I _know_ how it hurts Rey. She misses you,” Rose says, her voice small, reluctant.

Finn sighs. “I don't know, Rose, she’s pretty dedicated to him.”

Rose explodes again, suddenly beyond irritation and approaching fury. “Of course she’s _dedicated_ to him. She _married_ him! Would you expect any less from her? Do you _want_ her to be wrong about him? Are you just holding out until he _betrays_ her and then you can swoop in and...” her voice catches on a sob and Finn looks up, startled to see Rose’s eyes brimming with tears. She’s... not a crier. Not since Paige.

 _Swoop in?_ Is that what he wants to do? No, not in that way. He’s sure of that. He meant what he told Rey, earlier... he’s not in love with her. But... he still _cares_. He has to _protect_ her. She’s _important_.

But now... _Rose_... she’s hurt too. It tears his heart.

“Rose, I’m...sorry.”

She sniffs, turning away from him. He reaches out a hand to her, placing it lightly on her elbow. “Rose, please.”

She draws a deep breath. “What are you really sorry for?” She asks, her voice sharper than he expects.

“Um... for making you cry? For upsetting you?”

“Is that a question?” She’s trying to be angry but he can hear the smile, the resignation, in her voice.

“No, Rose. I am sorry. It’s not a question. I’m sorry for upsetting you, and yeah, you’re right, I mean, I _don’t_ want to be right. About _him._ ”

He sighs, finally able to collect his thoughts, to trust his feelings. “Honestly... I haven’t wanted to get to know him. It scares me,” he finally confesses. “ _He_ scares me. I don’t want Rey to get hurt... and now _you’re_ okay with him, and... I don’t want you to get hurt, either.”

She shakes her head, still looking away. “I know how much you care, Finn. I know it’s just... who you are.” Her voice is small again, resigned, but steady.

“Well,” she turns to him, determined. “I forgive you. You never have been very good at seeing what’s right in front of you.”

She stands up, brushing dust off her pants. “Sun’s setting. Let’s head back.”

He blinks after her, hesitating a moment before standing to follow, mystified and suddenly even more confused than before.

***************

Finn pilots the _Land Shark_ back to the site, feeling the whole way like he’s still missing something. Rose is quiet beside him in the passenger seat, and while he doesn’t sense animosity from her, he can’t figure out how to break through, to get back to what they had... before.

 _Some_ _Jedi_ , he frowns to himself. He’d though he was getting pretty good with empathy... _situational awareness_ , Poe likes to call it. Reading the room. It’s been quite useful in working with defectors, former troopers, not to mention the day to day of forming a working government made up of representatives from dozens of cultures and species.

He purses his lips, frustrated. But here, with his closest friends... he keeps blowing it. He hasn’t really tried to get to know Ben. He’s offended Rey, basically telling her he doesn’t trust her, after everything they’ve been through.

And now... Rose... he glances at her out of the corner of his eye. He just can’t get a good reading on her. Honestly, he never has been able to.... she’s just _Rose_. Quick-minded, kind-hearted Rose. He’d never use the Force on her, has never even tried. It just wouldn’t be right. But sneaking glances at her across the console, feeling alone and confused and just plain wondering _what_... he’s never been more tempted to know her mind than he is right now.


	6. Under the Stars

They arrive back at the site to the golden glow of sunset, and when Rose declares it’s the perfect night for a picnic, Finn is drafted into pulling crates together, finding seats, and hauling a couple of chairs down from the Falcon. He’s happy to be the muscle, marveling at their ability to make something beautiful out of anything.

Rose finds an old canvas and spreads it over one of the containers, setting a glow lamp in the middle of the table, and Rey disappears briefly to return with a handful of golden flowers which she arranges in a canister on the table.

The sun sets fast here, and before they know it it’s dark and cool. Insects flit around the lamp, and there’s a faint lowing of some kind of animal. Rey assures them it’s the quadrupeds they’d seen at the lake... herbivores. Finn feels again the abundance of life in this place he thought so barren. And the abundance of peace that wells from the company, with Rose here, weaving her kindness around and through the evening air.

“You know what this reminds me of,” Rose says, a smile in her voice. “Remember on Stanseck Four, when that wildebeest came charging out of that cave, right through the camp, what was that thing, anyway? Did we ever find out?” She’s giggling and Rey joins in, their laughter weaving together in strands rich and warm, light and sweet.

“It came out of nowhere, even surprised our Jedi,” she jabs a thumb at Rey, who shrugs, _guilty_ , “and everyone jumped up, but it went right for the food. Big box of rations we had just opened up, and a crate of fresh fruit,” Rey and Rose sigh together at the memory of that _fruit_ , “we’d just picked up, and somehow it _knew_.”

She’s still giggling, and even Ben is smiling. Finn chuckles, because it is funny, in hindsight, but really he’s admiring Rose. When she tells the story it’s easy to forget that they were only there, huddled in that uncharted jungle, because they’d come out of hyperspace right on top of a First Order Star Destroyer, had been in real danger of being shot down by the squadron of TIEs that were patrolling the system...

But when Rose is telling it, with her joy and her enthusiasm and her unfailing ability to see the best in everything.... Finn can almost forget that part.

“Well, Ben, I don’t know how you do it in that tiny kitchen, but that was great.” Rose sighs, leaning back in her chair, stuffed full of the fish and vegetables in a flaky crust that they’d polished off to the last crumb.

He nods in thanks, raising his mug to her in salute. “A chef is only as good as his ingredients. We have you to thank for that, keeping our larder full. That was the freshest krallfish I’ve ever had.”

“Did you like to help your parents cook, when you were little?” Rose asks, and Finn tenses, the evening had been so peaceful, _why_ is she bringing up his _parents_ — “I loved that, when I could,” Rose continues.

But Ben seems unfazed, considering. “No. My parents didn’t cook. They were too busy, or... gone. We had droids.”

Rose accepts this in her easygoing way. “I guess that’s how it is for a lot of people. My dad was the cook in our family,” she adds conversationally. “Both my parents cooked, when they needed to, but he’s the one who loved it. We never ate under the stars, though. The pollution was too much for being outside long.”

“Luke cooked,” Ben adds offhand. Rey scoffs, surprised, but Rose’s eyes light up.

“Really?”

“Oh yeah.” Ben nods. “At the... academy, we had droids, of course, but everyone was assigned to kitchen rotation... I didn’t mind that part.” He pauses, and Rey says quietly, “We could do that here.”

Ben nods, once, still looking away. “He would make this tabba root stew, he was always trying to get it just like his aunt made.... He even had a little jar of salt from Tatooine that only he was allowed to touch. He claimed it made all the difference, that specific mineral content.” Ben smiles faintly, and for a moment he’s somewhere else, the glow lamp casting shadow and shine across his face, until Rey reaches out, placing her hand on his.

“And did it?” Rose asks quietly.

“It was good.” Ben admits. “Really good.”

Rey sighs, and Finn looks at her, feeling something release in her soul. “I ate outside all the time. Whenever I could. Sunset was my favorite time of day... the stillness. Another day done... survived.” She hiccups briefly, her voice catching.

Then she shakes her head, passing through the mists of the past. “There was a settlement a ways away, where they actually grew fresh vegetables.... tubers of some kind, under the ground. And these low, prickly vines with a hard, tart berry. I still don’t know how they managed it, there must have been an underground oasis there. They didn’t make enough to trade... actually it was kind of a secret. But one time I was injured, my speeder cut out, bucked me off near their settlement, and a woman there took me in, and... they... shared.” She shrugs. “Didn’t even ask for trade. They just... gave. It was... well, I always felt like it was the first miracle I ever saw. Like finding a spinebarrel flower in the dunes. They were just there, and they just... gave.”

“Wow, Rey, what a find.” Rose says, her voice solemn, sympathetic. Ben turns his hand under hers until their fingers are entwined.

“I... never went back.” Rey says quietly, a confession, staring at their clasped hands resting on the table. “I didn’t have anything to give in return, and I... I didn’t want to find out if they’d... I didn’t want to know. I wanted to keep them like that in my mind, generous and kind and... Just knowing they were out there, like that... willing to give what they had... I needed that more than the food.”

Finn frowns in fond exasperation. Of course she'd sacrifice food for _hope_... the way she'd have waited on Jakku for her family, _forever_. Holding onto the dream, her belief in what could be, over what's right in front of her. The same way she believes in... he glances at Ben.

Then he shakes his head. She'd survived, hadn't she? She emerged from that life with such hope, such faith intact, perhaps not in spite of the hardship but because of it. Finn's heart aches for her, that she believes so strongly in goodness. In grace.

The age-old infusion of good food, tenebrous twilight, and shared experiences produces a heady sort of camaraderie, and Finn, spurred on by that curious _ache_ in his heart, is caught by a tenuous thread of memory, fragile as a spiders web, but here, now, it feels like peace. Like a gift.

So, that. That must be why, under a canopy of stars, in the shadow of the ship that ferried him across the darkness to his new life, Finn reaches out and offers what he can. What he has.

“We didn’t have a lot of variety,” he clears his throat, “but there were these cakes, you know, gotta keep moral up... fluffy little things, filled with cream or jam or chocolate, and you never knew what you’d get until you bit into it. Man,” he sighs. “We fought over those.”

He looks at Ben, and in the hazy dark of dusk, in the echos of memory, he reaches across the clench in his chest, in his heart, and he asks quietly, “Did you... um... did you get those?”

Ben raises his face to meet Finn, his eyes full of pain but gratitude _radiating_ through the Force. “Yes. Occasionally. The... muja fruit was my favorite.”

“Oh. Yeah. Yeah, those were good.”

Finn glances at Rose, who winks at him, and then at Rey.... smiling, all golden shadows in the glow of the lamp, silent tears streaking her cheeks.

***************

Quiet descends, all of them languid in the wake of feasting as the cool of evening gathers around them, weaving enchantments between memory and _what-may-be_. Finn can’t stop looking at Rose, drawn to her glow like the moths flitting around the lamp. Her features are so soft in the twilight, how has he never noticed before, and her gaze that falls upon them all is so tender, so treasured. He’s still puzzling over this afternoon, with her, but in this quiet space of peace, the warmth of friendship, figuring it out seems less important. He’d rather just be, here—

“Oh!” Rey exclaims into the silence, startling them all, “we’re going to miss it!” She stands, gathering up dishes. Finn glances at Rose in question but she shrugs, equally mystified.

“Um, day’s over, I think?” Rose ventures, but Ben smiles, adding her plate to the stack in his hands.

“You’ll see...”

***************

When the makeshift table is cleared and the dishes stacked in the Falcon’s galley, Rey leads them out into the dark, trampling down a patch grass, spreading the canvas just far enough from the ships that they can see the whole sky, a dome of endless black, studded with diamonds.

Settling in on the canvas, Finn leans back on his elbows, taking it all in. He’s seen plenty of stars through the viewports of starships, but something about taking in that endless black from the face of one of those trillions of pricks of light.... that never gets old.

Rey rests her head on Ben’s shoulder, his arm going around her, pulling her close, laying a light kiss against her hair, and Rose meets Finn with a good natured eye roll. He is again so, _so glad_ she’s here.

He jerks his head at her, _come here_ , patting the blanket beside him, and she wrinkles her brow, surprised, but then scoots over and tentatively rests the back of her head against his side, definitely _not_ lying on him, but certainly _leaning_ into him, and he feels suddenly much more comfortable than he was a moment ago. He feels so comfortable, almost giddy, in fact, that he reaches over and runs his hand over her hair. Just lightly, born of that affection for her that had blossomed earlier today. But she tenses, and Rey and Ben look over at them simultaneously. Finn drops his hand, not sure now what he was even doing. Just that it seemed right, and complete, an acknowledgement that she’s here... _they’re_ here. Together.

Then Rose gasps, “Look!” And the curve of Maggadan, blue and green and white, is visible on the horizon, barely even a shadow, but growing fast. Finn’s been to a good number of planets, but he’s never seen anything like this. It rises quickly, filling at least a third of the sky, and the stars are dimming rapidly as the reflected light of the planet, cool and crisp and shimmering, casts strange silvery shadows across the landscape, bathing them all in a glow that’s not quite sunlight, not quite moonlight.

“I’ve seen a full moon,” Rose says in awe. “But this... this is something else.”

As they watch in wonder, two large avians soar into view, just silhouettes against the bright glow of the planet, their wings coursing in sync, arcing across the sky. Rey gasps, her joy and delight almost palpable. Finn turns to see her, full of wonder, her face glowing in the shimmering light, and Ben, looking just as wondrous... gazing at her. His heart clenches suddenly, that same ache as before, fiercely glad for his best friend, that someone loves her so completely.

By impulse, by instinct, his hand moves back to Rose, gliding over her hair again as she rests against him, tucked into his side, right under his heart as though she _belongs_ there, and he’s not sure why, or what it even means, just that he needs to connect with her in this moment of beauty. She stills again, tensing as before, but after a breath she relaxes, and he’s lost in this moment, the contentment, the _balance_ that swirls around them, softer than a breeze but as steady as stone. Eventually she reaches up slowly over her head, and he’s embarrassed, afraid she means for him to stop, but she clasps his hand in a brief squeeze before letting go. His heart skips and he’s not sure what just happened, but he’s desperate to capture it again as he’s overcome by _hope_ , a sharp _need_ , that the love that surrounds them could be contagious, might somehow be shared, here on this arid moon that is teeming with life and beauty. This life that he has now, so full of gifts that he never expected, never saw coming. Her hand, this moment, that peace.

Finn slides his hand off of her hair, knuckles skimming lightly down her cheek as his thumb traces along her jaw, and Rose stills under his hand, her breathing shallow. He’s found the place he didn’t even know he was looking for, it’s all so clear now—

Rose jumps up. “It’s late,” she sounds strained, flustered. “I’m going to turn in.” She takes several steps back, stumbling a little in the dark, and Finn sits up, stunned.

“Thanks Rey, Ben, that was really amazing, thanks for everything. See you in the morning.”

She’s already turned away, heading back toward the ships. She won’t even meet his eye. Finn’s stomach drops, his mind blanking, again. Why does it do that, with her, now, lately...? But already the evening’s enchantment is lifting, reality settling back into his bones, into his soul. Whatever he was trying for, whatever he thought was there... he must have imagined it. Because it’s _Rose_... she’s just... it’s not... whatever he thought it was between them, here, her... it isn’t that. It’s too late for that.

***************

“Finn’s got to get it together,” Ben says to Rey that night as they’re heading to bed.

“Ben!” He gives her a pointed look, sends one word to her through the bond. One name. _Rose_.

“Oh. That.” She deflates. “Well, yes.”

Ben smirks.

“I don’t know what to say... it’s like they have some kind of reverse Force bond. He’s almost... immune to her. I mean, they’re best friends, they talk constantly... or, they used to.” She sighs. “The work together _so well_ , but somehow, he just doesn’t get it.” Rey shakes her head, mystified.

“I can’t imagine how he’s missing it. He does _actually_ have the Force, right? He’s not been faking it?” Ben ask with mock skepticism, then ducks as Rey cuffs him over the head. “Because she practically radiates her feelings for him. It’s pretty obvious. And the way he was looking at her tonight...”

“I know,” Rey says, sadly sympathetic. “But she’s adamant that she doesn’t want me to tell him. I’ve promised. She wants him to figure it out on his own. Or not at all.”

Rey shrugs. “I get it. He’s such a nice guy.” Ben snorts, but Rey ignores him. “I think she doesn’t want him feeling... sorry for her.”

“Well,” Ben says, climbing into bed, holding the covers up for Rey to join him. “ _I’ve_ made no such promise. If they’re going to be here much longer, something’s got to give.”

“Ben...” she’s trying halfheartedly to chastise him. “It’s not nice to mess with people’s love lives.”

“Hey, what were you doing this afternoon, setting them up with a _date_ to the lake?” He cocks at eyebrow at her, well aware of her intentions, but she meets his gaze defiantly, unabashedly.

“Anyway, I’m not messing,” Ben protests, wrapping his arms around her as she curls against his chest. Her favorite place in the galaxy, where she can always hear his heart beating in time with hers. “He’s an idiot. I’m _helping_.”

She shakes her head, laughing lightly. “When did you start caring so much about Finn, anyway?”

“Not Finn,” he scoffs. Then softens. “But Rose has always been kind to me. And you. And...” he shrugs. “You care about Finn. And I care about you.” He kisses the top of her head, his lips lingering against her hair. “So. I’m trying.” _For your sake_.


	7. In the Light

Finn stumbles out of the yacht into the dawn light, dazed and blinking, trying to orient himself. They had stayed up nearly half the night watching the planet rise, and with the short day cycles of their little moon, morning had come all too soon.

Ben is yawning as he walks up and wordlessly hands him a cup of caf. Rey is flying high as a kite, giddy as she skips around making plans in the early light, all golden and shining and new.

“She’s always been a morning person, but...” Finn’s shaking his head. “This is... unreal.”

“Tell me about it.” Ben grumbles, taking a sip from his own mug. He shakes his head, sucking air over his burned tongue. “Don’t drink that yet.”

“Yeah. Thanks...” Finn is too tired to even be skeptical right now.

“Where’s Rose?” Finn finally asks.

Ben glances at him. “Haven’t seen her yet this morning. You haven’t... either?”

Finn shakes his head. Something had happened last night, with Rose. He had lain awake for a long time, his mind whirling, his heart... aching? How could he ache for someone who was right in front of him? In the starlight, the beauty of the planet rise and that thread of connection thrumming between them, he thought he’d finally found what he didn’t even know was missing. And she’d looked... luminous. He had felt, for a long moment, like he’d never seen her before, but for the life of him he can’t figure out why.

But then she’d run away. Scared. Hurt.

He needs to talk to her, that’s all. But he’s also... afraid. He doesn’t know how to do this, doesn’t even know what _this_ is, just that somehow today everything is different, the light in his eyes and the air on his skin and everything he thought he knew and... and the place in his heart where she’s always been, safe and secure and just _there_ , somehow... she doesn’t fit there anymore. Nothing in him fits anymore.

***************

“Well,” Ben drains the last of his caf, “Why don’t you and Rey get the hand tools to... wherever she wants to start. I’ll go help Rose tune up the digger. We didn’t get to finalize things yesterday. And I’ve been meaning to have a little chat with her anyway...” he gives Finn a curious look.

 _A_ _chat_ _with_ _her?_ Finn bristles. He should be the one to _chat_ with her. After last night, he has the strangest feeling that he’s _just found_ her. “No, no, no. _I’ll_ help Rose. I will. There’s no way I’m letting you steal her away too—” he freezes, realizing what’s just come out of his mouth.

Ben pauses, his face impassive, voice level. “It’s not my intention to _steal_ anyone from... anyone. I’m familiar with the machinery, and... I thought I might...” but then he stops, and frowns, changing direction. “Anyway, I thought you’d enjoy the time with Rey. She gets to see so little of you... lately...” and now Finn is sure there’s an accusation there, but whether it’s from Ben or his own conscience, he’s not sure. 

“Listen, Solo,” Finn’s defenses rise as he spits the name out like a curse. “There’s a very good reason she doesn’t get to see much of me. She’s stuck _hiding out_ here, with you.” He adds that last bit sarcastically. Ben’s never come to Maggadan. Never met the queen, or the young _apprentice_ his wife has already begun meeting with, while waiting for the school to be ready. Just in case he might be... recognized.

“Finn...” Ben says slowly, and Finn watches him clench, and then relax, those large fists, that he once used to _choke_... to _hurt_... “I’m keeping a _low profile_... to protect her. To protect everything she’s working for. I would think that you would appreciate that.”

And then all the tension, all the hurt of the last few days, weeks, months, boils over, and whatever sympathy Finn felt last night flies away like ash in the heat of the moment. “What do you know about _protecting_ anything? She wouldn’t _have to_ be protected if you weren’t—” but then Finn sees Ben’s face contort, the frown suddenly gone, his features stone, his voice steel.

“Weren’t what? Go ahead. Say it.”

Finn takes a step toward him, almost unconsciously, and he realizes they might _actually_ come to blows, and for a fleeting moment he’s invested enough to believe he _might_ have a chance, and his vision turns red and suddenly the Force is purring in his ear, a low hum that demands, no, craves _satisfaction_ , and he’s never been more sure of anything in his life. Rey will hate him, Rose will never speak to him again, and the last time he spent a week in bacta he’d come out with a raging headache but it will all be worth it if he can land just _one solid hit_ on—

“Stop it! Both of you!” Rey’s voice pierces the red glare in a burst of gold as the growl in his ear pops into silence.

“Finn...” She looks at him sadly, knowingly, as a heavy moment passes between them. He struggles to meet her eyes, his mind is still back _there_ , where he _almost_ had just what he needed, it was in his grasp, if _only_...

Then she looks at Ben. Something passes between them that Finn can’t read.

“ _I_ will go help Rose with the droids. You two, figure this out.” And then she huffs out a breath and adds, imploringly, “Please.” But she’s looking at Ben.

And then Ben nods, once, quickly, and Rey turns on her heel and marches off. They both watch her go.

Finally Ben turns to Finn, eyeing him a long moment. “Do you want to hit me?”

Finn frowns, refusing to look at _him_. He knows that’s... that’s _not_ what he wants... but that _feeling_ is still simmering in his blood.

“I won’t fight back.” Ben continues mildly. “Or, I will, if you want. A good old fashioned brawl, no Force powers. A duel of honor, or something? I’ll play fair. You’ll have to earn it.”

Finn shakes his head, trying to clear his mind as rivulets of burning lava still seep through his thoughts. Of course he doesn’t want to fight _him_... does he? Because for a moment it had seemed like the only thing he had ever wanted, the only thing that would make everything _right_ and...

“Something else then?” Ben offers. “Arm wrestling? Trivia challenge? Nerf dog eating contest? Whatever you need, let me know.”

Finn sighs, pursing his lips to hide the slight smile that crosses his face, despite his best efforts. “No.” He says quietly, all the fight finally leaving him. “You’ve already won.”

He sits down on one of the crates, and after a moment’s hesitation, Ben joins him.

“What was that?” Finn finally asks.

Ben is silent a long time, then... “What did it feel like?”

“Like...” Finn struggles to find the words.

_Power._  
_Control._  
_Everything._

“Like everything I ever wanted.” He pauses. “Even though I knew it would cost me everything I love.”

Ben nods, his voice grim. “Sounds about right.”

“The Dark side?” Finn asks, almost afraid of the answer.

Ben nods, still not meeting his eyes.

“So... That’s what Rey was facing when...”

“Approximately.” Ben sounds formal, stilted. “The stronger one’s connection to the Force, the stronger the pull. No offense,” he adds.

“None taken,” Finn huffs, aghast. “Wow.” What seemed so clear, so real, just moments ago, is now a horror in his mind: how easy it would have been, how _right_ , to just... take it. Take it all.

“And that’s what... you fought?”

Again, a curt nod.

“For how long?” Finn can’t even _imagine_...

Ben clenches his jaw, his whole body tense. “Not long enough,” he says bitterly.

“How long?” Finn insists. He has to know, he can’t fathom that he could have resisted for even another minute. If Rey hadn’t been there, with her golden light...

Ben sighs. “Twenty years. Give or take.”

“Twenty... whew.” Finn huffs out a breath. “But... aren’t they... gone? Snoke, Palpatine, I mean? Where did that come from, now?”

Ben shrugs, but the casual gestures betrays the fear radiating off him. “The Dark side... it’s never gone. They were... practitioners of it. Conduits. But not creators.”

“I’ve never felt anything like it.”

“Yeah.” Ben says. “That’s what it’s like.”

“Every time?”

“Every time.”

They’re quiet again, until Finn asks, “Why now?”

Ben shrugs again, his voice low, tight. “Something you... love was... threatened. That’s usually where it begins. That’s when it comes... easiest.”

Something he _loves_... is that what... “What was it, for you?”

Ben shakes his head... “I was a... special case,” he says, his bitter remorse bleeding through the Force. “I had... Snoke... in my head, my whole life. Since before I can remember. So I don’t really know what it was for me. It was always there.”

“How do you know it won’t... come back?” Finn has to know, now.

“Well, no one’s ever completely immune to the Dark side. It’s always there. But I’ll never accept it, never draw from it, like I... used to. Once the Light came back in, after all those years...” He shrugs. “It lost it’s appeal. I see the truth now, and that changes everything. I made a choice. Plus, you know... Rey.” The smile in his voice is unmistakable. “Being with her, our connection...we balance each other.”

 _Rey_. Finn shakes his head, not sure where to begin. Nothing fits where it used to. The pieces that once made up his heart are all the wrong size now, melted and misshapen into something he doesn’t know how to carry.

“It’s just... I always thought of her as mine. To protect. To take care of.” He tries to sound off-handed, but it comes out pitiful anyway.

Ben eyes him skeptically.

“Yeah, yeah, I hear it,” Finn says ruefully. “I hear it.”

Finn is quiet a moment, trying to sort out for himself what he means. “I’d never had anything... precious, before. Anything worth protecting. Sure, we were taught to take care of our guys, watch out for our unit. But,” he shrugs, “we knew not to get too close.”

“When I left the... Order... well, Poe gave me my name, but she... She was the first person who really saw me. Saw me as a person, not a number, not a tool, or an expendable resource. A person. She believed in me, in who I was, and who I could be. Even before I did.”

He thinks back, remembering. It seems like a lifetime ago. It was. “And I saw her. I was the first one to see her, as more than a desert scavenger. As more than a tool to be used or... exploited. When we left Jakku, together... I could just tell, she was important. Maybe it was the Force. It must have been. But I just had this _feeling_ , that she needed to be protected. I mean, not that she needs anyone to protect her,” he adds. “Obviously. She’s amazing. But it was just a sense that she was something special. And _I_ was the one who found her.”

Ben is quiet beside him, but any animosity between them has evaporated, dried out to dust and blown away on the cooling breeze that ripples across the prairie.

“I wasn’t even going to join the Resistance, that wasn’t even my plan. I was a... coward. I was going to run away, disappear somewhere in the Outer Rim. I wanted her to come with me, not get involved in the war. Begged her. But...” Finn pauses here, realization dawning.

“Huh. It’s all your fault.”

Ben turns to him. “Yeah, I think we established that,” he says dryly.

“No, man,” Finn can’t help the reluctant smile from spreading across his face. “I was running away, going to disappear in the Outer Rim until _you_... took her. On Takodana. And I couldn’t let her go, I had to get her back. That’s what brought me to the Resistance. Wow.”

The pain that radiates off Ben... Finn is staggered under the onslaught. Waves of regret, shame, fear, guilt.

“Takodana...” Ben repeats quietly, remembering. “I was a monster.”

The honesty of the admission brings Finn up short.

“Yeah you were.” He better not forget it. “Huh. Well, anyway, rescuing her, it gave me purpose. Joining the Resistance made me who I am. And she was there, the whole time. And I was there for her, seeing her come into her powers, become who she is. Become a leader, a warrior. It was just... yeah.”

Finn sighs again. “And then, when she told us about... you. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. It made _no_ sense. All those times you went after her, everything you _did_. It was _you_ I’d been protecting her _from!_ ” The last words come out close to a yell, all the frustration, hurt, anger erupting faster than he can tamp it down.

“Finding out how much she’d been hiding, from us, from _me_. From everyone. How could I protect her if she wasn’t even being honest with me? I suppose you convinced her to, to protect your sorry hide? It hurt, man. It _hurt_.” Finn has never said this to anyone, why in the world is he now bearing his heart to... _him?_

Ben is quiet for a minute, but then nods. “I don’t expect you to believe me, but I didn’t tell her to keep it a secret. I think you know how stubborn she can be. I can’t _make_ her do much of anything. I... appreciated it, but it was her choice. And I know how much it cost her, not telling you. I felt it, in her heart. Trust me, she didn’t take it lightly.”

Finn frowns. He should have known that. Of course it did. If she’d felt she _needed_ to keep it a secret...

“And I know this probably isn’t what you want to hear...” Ben continues quietly. “But she did the same for me. It was the same. She saw who I was, who I could to be, even before I did.”

“Yeah. I know.” Finn is resigned now. “She does that.”

They sit quietly for a while, the wind shifting the grasses across the plain, bringing occasional snippets of laughter or tinkering, silvery sounds of metal on metal, from the open bay of the load lifter where Rey and Rose are working.

Then Ben speaks again. “For what it’s worth, I do... admire you. Breaking your conditioning, leaving the First Order... that took grit. I... wish, every day, that I’d done it. Sooner.”

And now he turns, and Finn finally looks at him, really looks, at _him_ , at Kylo Ren, at Ben Solo, and sees the... pain in his eyes. The regret.

“You don’t have to forgive me, or understand, or even like me. I’ve done... unforgivable things.” Ben shrugs, honestly. “There’s plenty of days I don’t even like myself. But you should know... you need to realize, the pain it causes _her_ , that you... doubt. That you doubt that she made the right decision... choosing me. Joining our lives together. The Force created our dyad, but she _chose_ to be with me.”

Ben stands now, brushing dust off his pants. “In the end, we both want the same thing, Finn. We want her to be happy. And we want this,” he waves his hand around the site, “to work. For her, and for others like... us. I know you felt it. The Dark, the Light... it’s real. And it’s still out there.”

He heads off toward the load lifter. “Let me know, anytime, if you want that fight.”

Finn stares after him, incredulous. How dare _Kylo Ren_ be so... reasonable?

The truths he’s clung to, the pieces of his heart, what he thought he knew, about right and wrong and choices and love...

_Nothing fits anymore._

***************

“I went on a date last week,” Rose says, up to her elbows in the rear tread gear box of the T800 trench digger.  
“You did?” Rey is surprised, looking up from the panel where she’d been changing the fuses.

“Yeah... a new radar technician that we hired. I hired, actually. But, a while ago. It’s not weird like that. We’ve been talking for a while, I helped him with a patch, he... offered me dinner.”

“Rose...” Rey’s smiling at her friend. “That’s good. That sounds fun.”

“Yeah, it was. He’s... nice. Funny, smart. Nice.”

“What does... Finn think of him?” Rey asks, trying to sound casual.

“Oh.” Rose dives back into the gear box. “Actually, I didn’t mention it to him.” Her voice is muffled now as she strains against a stuck bolt. “It wasn’t really a date, it was just dinner. I haven’t talked to him since, I mean, just at work...”

Rey sighs. “Rose...”

But Rose is focused on the gear box again.

“Rose...” Rey’s a little more insistent this time. “Rose.” A command, now. “Hey!”

“What? Sorry, Rey, just trying to get this done, the bolt is nearly stripped...”

“Rose.” But now Rey’s not sure what she was going to say in the first place.

 _I’m sorry your sweet, clueless best friend doesn’t see you?_ Or something else?

“What’s that, Rey?”

“Never mind.”


	8. Foundations

There’s machinery to do the actual digging and construction. Their sponsors in the Maggadan government are fully committed to the project, and even though some of the tech is aged, with Rose and Rey to keep it tuned it’s more than adequate. But Rey insisted that the groundbreaking be done by hand. By them. With actual shovels.

They all troop together through the plain, out to the first survey marker. Rey and Rose both skip through the fields, swiping playfully at the grasses, sending seeds and fluff swirling in the wind. Ben is, of course, markedly more composed, lugging two long shovels, but he smiles indulgently at the women’s antics, and catching Finn watching him, he rolls his eyes. Finn chuckles in spite of himself.

Finn hasn’t had a moment to speak with Rose, and while he’ll be the first to admit he can be a bit dense about these things, it seems likes she’s been avoiding him. Maybe he went too far, touching her like... they haven’t been like _that_... well, ever.

Sure, she’d kissed him, on Crait, mumbling something about _saving what we love._ He’d taken care of her, afterward, waiting for her to wake up, to figure out what that was, what she meant... but she’d never mentioned it, maybe even forgotten. She’d had a bad concussion of course... Besides, she almost _killed_ herself to save him. He would never want that, could never ask that of her. So he’d let it go, tucked her away in a place in his heart where she wouldn’t get hurt. Where neither of them would. And she’s been safe there, for over two years.

But it seems like now, after their confusing talk at the lake and that strange ache under the stars... she’s hurt anyway. But he doesn’t know how to breach that gap. How to make it right. Maybe she’s as confused as he is. Or maybe he’s the only one who felt anything at all.

***************

They arrive at the site, where a spindly survey marker designates a future corner of the main hall, barely a shadow to be seen as the sun blazes down on them from high above. The breeze keeps it cool enough, rolling the golden grass in waves as far as they can see.

Ben hands Finn a shovel, keeping one for himself, and turns to Rey.

“You want us to just dig in, then, right here?”

“No!” Rey says sharply, and Finn looks up, startled. “Wait,” she softens, “Sorry, but, wait, I um... I thought we’d do a little speech, and...”

Ben’s face is a combination of amusement and alarm. “A speech.”

“Well... yeah. Maybe? I didn’t write anything down... but we could say a few words? To mark the occasion.”

“A few words. Okay. Sure. You go ahead.” Ben says, and Finn finds himself smirking at the bemused look on Ben’s face.

“Thank you,” Rey says primly, composing herself. “Oh! The camdroid,” she interjects. “I almost forgot. Be right back!” and she’s bounding off back toward the _Falcon_ , calling over her shoulder, “posterity!”

Ben shakes his head after her, still that bemused indulgence on his face. Finn leans on his shovel, overcome for a moment by the wave of love, of admiration, that rolls off Ben as he watches his wife. She’s so loved, Finn thinks. She found her family. He glances at Rose, a few steps away, her eyes closed, face to the sun, soaking in the rays.

_Loved._  
_Family._

He’s about to say something to the others, laugh a moment at this brave, impulsive girl they all love, when Ben turns, and meets his eyes, and then Finn is hit by a wave of shock and... recognition...and awe, so strong through the Force that he stagers a step under the roiling onslaught of emotion.

Finn starts as for a moment the Force shimmers around them, and Ben is... smiling, tears in his eyes. A smile of peace, of gratitude. _Joy_.

Rose glances at him, eyebrow raised in a question. Finn shrugs.

They both turn as Rey returns, the cam droid in her hand, concern on her face. She goes right up to Ben, taking his hand in hers, placing the other, still clutching the cam, lightly on his arm.

“You okay?” She asks quietly, and it’s so intimate that Finn wants to step back, give them some space. Ben nods, closing his eyes, bringing his forehead to hers, briefly. “I had a vision, of this moment,” he says, voice rough but steady. “When I was on... Ahch-To. It turns out... it wasn’t what I thought it was. This is... so much better.” He opens his eyes to look at her. “This is... perfect.”

They both take a breath together, the Force resonant with the peace that flows between them, and Finn glances at Rose: Does she feel it too? Does she long for that kind of peace, that certainty... but before she meets his eye he loses his nerve and looks away.

Then Rey clears her throat, and she and Ben step apart. She flicks a switch on the cam droid and sets it afloat, where it hovers just above their heads.

“You’re not broadcasting live, are you?” Rose sounds alarmed, stepping back from the field of view.

“No! No,” Rey says, with a glance at Ben. “No. Just recording.” But then she frowns, doubt shadowing her face. “Maybe this is silly,” she mutters, “It doesn’t even matter...” she reaches up, grabbing the camdroid with the Force, but Ben stops her, closing his large hand over hers.

“Rey,” he says quietly, just her name, as _that_ look passes between them in the silence.

“It’s not silly at all, Rey,” Rose pipes up earnestly, raising her eyebrows at Finn in encouragement.

Oh. Right. “Yeah, Rey, this is important.” He nods sagely. “Who knows who might want to see it in the future. This is a monumental event! You’ll be glad you have it.” Glancing at Rose for confirmation, she gives him a subtle thumbs up.

“Right,” Rey says, laughing slightly to herself. “Of course. Thank you.”

She releases the droid, and it flits back to hover above them. Finn gives her an encouraging nod, and she smiles and starts again.

“Welcome to the groundbreaking of our new school. I want to say thank you to Queen Sidra and the Maggadan Consortium for sponsoring this project. We are so honored to be working with you. I also want to acknowledge the Galactic Alliance, for their assistance and support. Now...” she looks first to Ben, then Finn, then Rose, smiling at each of them in turn, as the cam droid whirs and shuffles above them.

“Thank you all, for being here. Each of you has been very important in making this happen. Rose, for helping with all the tech and the planning, and of course, the encouragement. Especially all those late night holocalls.” Rose gives her a grin and an embarrassed shrug, but Finn can tell she’s pleased.

“Finn,” Rey turns to him now. “You were my first apprentice!” She gives a little laugh and a wiggle of her shoulders, radiant in her happiness. “And my first friend,” she adds softly. “Teaching you taught me a lot. So, sorry that I had no idea what I was doing at first, but I think you’re turning out okay, if I do say so myself.”

Her smile for him is smug and mischievous, and he grins back with a nod, his throat suddenly too choked up to speak.

Her smile falls on Ben now, and he meets her gaze with a gentle look of his own. “Ben. I’m just so glad you’re here. We’re here. That we finally found each other.” And her voice catches, and tears fill her eyes, and Finn can only watch as his own sight is suddenly blurry.

Ben nods at her, his face almost impassive, but even Finn can see the truth in his eyes.

“So,” Rey clears her throat, steady again. “Right. Well, I grew up thinking the Jedi were a myth. The stories I heard were of heroes so fantastic they couldn’t possibly be true. And then, when I finally met a real Jedi... well, I wasn’t impressed,” she says wryly. Ben snorts loudly.

“I meant Luke,” Rey says indignantly, “not...” she’s trying to be subtle as she gives him a chiding look, though she ends up looking pained.

“Oh, I know you meant Luke,” Ben’s trying very hard to smother his grin.

Rey’s expression turns quickly to exasperated and Rose slaps a hand over her own mouth, laughing. “You guys...” she hisses through her fingers in a stage whisper, “you’re on camera!”

“Right.” Rey snaps back to the moment. “Of course. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. Sorry. We can edit that out later.”

“Nope.” Ben says quickly, still stifling a laugh. “Sorry, sweetheart. Historical document. Permanent record.”

“Ben,” Rey groans. “You’re not helping!”

“Sorry.” He says, all mock seriousness, desperately trying to wipe the grin off his face. “Sorry.”

“As I was saying... oh, I don’t know, what was I saying?” Rey groans again. “I think I’m going to have to start over.” Now Finn’s laughing too, at how quickly her formal ceremony fell apart, but also at the realization of how right this all is: these people, this place, everything they’ve come through. Everything they’ve survived. Against all odds.

“It’s okay, Rey,” he says. “You’ve done... so much. You’ve got this.”

“Right.” She nods, starting again. “Thank you, Finn. At least someone’s taking this seriously,” she says with a pointed look at Ben.

“Well, to be honest I was, at first... uncomfortable calling myself a Jedi.” She exhales a breath, a new seriousness descending upon them.

“When Anakin’s lightsaber first called to me, I didn’t want it. Finn, you remember,” she looks at him, a sheepish half smile, and he smiles back fondly, nodding. Maz had given it to him, and he’d held onto until _he’d_... no. Until she was ready for it.

“But it wouldn’t let me go.” She laughs weakly. “But then Luke... rejected me. He wouldn’t train me, and I thought there was something wrong with me. That I didn’t deserve to be a Jedi, because I was a... nobody.” She looks at Ben, her eyes dancing, and he shakes his head, that soft look again. “And Leia did her best, but I still felt that I didn’t deserve it. Deserve her, or their legacy.”

“But as I learned more about them, that they weren’t a myth, they were real... I saw that they _were_ heroes. But they were also just regular beings, who started from nothing, like I did, and worked hard, and learned, and failed, and... tried again. They weren’t perfect. And when they spoke to me on Exegol, gave me their strength, when we defeated Palpatine, _together_... they told me that I _am_ all the Jedi. Whether I like it or not.” She gives a little self-conscious laugh. Then her face and her voice are serious again. “But I do like it. It’s an honor, and I accept it. Willingly. Gratefully.

“I am a Jedi. I’m the future of the Jedi. We are. All of us.” She smiles at Ben, then Finn, and even Rose.

“And I figure, if they entrusted their legacy to me, they must trust me. Us.” She smiles at Ben. “To do what we think is best. So we’re going to do that. Invite anyone who wants to learn more about the Force to visit, and learn with us. We aren’t the last Jedi of the past, we’re going to be the first Jedi of the future. Something new.”

Suddenly a mischievous smiles comes over her face. “Carrying that kind of legacy can be... challenging. It was tough for Ben, being a Skywalker. A burden. But in the end he made a choice, and it wasn’t too late, and he rose up out of that pit, and...” her voice catches on a sob, and she steadies before continuing.

“And here we are today.” She waves her hand around the site, encompassing the empty prairie, already so full of hopes and dreams. “And so, we’ve decided to call this the Skywalker School. Skywalker is a name to be proud of. We’re honored to keep it alive.”

Then she giggles. “Symbolically, that is. I’m also honored to have the name Solo. Finally.” She winks at Ben, exhaling in a huff. “Okay, that’s enough from me. For quite a while now. So, in honor of all the Skywalkers, and all the Jedi, those past and those to come... well, dig in.”

Finn nods, feeling a burst of pride at what she’s done here, what she will do. He offers her the shovel he’s been leaning on, but she gestures right back. “You do it.” And turning to Ben, she says, “you too. Please.”

Ben meets Finn’s eyes with that level gaze, and Finn sees the question. _For her?_ He looks to Rey, and her face is bright, hopeful, confident. That smile. The one that loves people for who they are, but sees who they can be. She doesn’t give up on people she loves.

He nods, making a decision. “You heard the lady, Solo. Dig in.”

Ben nods, satisfied, and they both heft their shovels, striking the ground in sync.

***************

The foundation of Finn’s future is laid that afternoon as well, although it begins, unfortunately, with a collapse.

It starts innocently enough, when the digger jams a tread an hour or so into work on the first site. Not unexpected, given the composition of the substrate, but Rose makes a face, huffing in irritation.

“I’ll just hop down there and see where the problem is,” Rose says breezily. “I’m sure it’s the rear gear box, there were some tweaky segments back there... won’t take a minute!”

“Rose, wait, let me call Rey to bring a sonic stabilizer,” Finn begins. She and Ben have gone back to the load lifter to prep the next droid. But Rose is already down in the trench.

“Won’t take a minute!” She repeats. “I’ll be done before they could even get here!” she calls, crawling under the machine.

It looks a bit treacherous, the trench walls are rocky clay and haven’t been secured yet, and it’s a narrow space at this point. The gentlemanly side of him is sure he should be down there in the dirt, not her, but honestly she’s the one who knows what she’s doing anyway.

Suddenly, the ground shifts, and there’s a mufffled yell from the trench, and for a moment Finn isn’t even sure what’s happened, but then the digger slides in the loose soil, tilting at an angle, one of the trench walls collapsing with a rumble and a cloud of dust.

“Rose!” Finn yells. “Rose!” He runs to the other side of the digger, trying to see what’s happened, where she is, and why he’s suddenly icy with panic.

He looks down into the trench and yelps as the digger shifts again, releasing another shower of dirt. He can’t feel her in the Force, although he realizes a moment later he’s too frantic to feel _anything_ in the Force. He’s got to get her out of there. If only Rey—

“Rey,” he yells, looking back toward the transport. “REY!!” But the wind is against him, whipping in his face, blowing his words uselessly away. _Rey_ , he thinks now through the Force. _Help_. But he’s not reaching her. He can’t reach anything, his mind is a panic, his stomach ice, stuck in an endless plummet.

He could run to get Rey, she and Ben could easily lift the digger... but he can’t leave Rose, he can’t lose her. Not now.

_Not ever._

Lifting rocks. It’s just lifting rocks. For Rose. He can do it for Rose. He’s got to.

He takes a breath, centering. It’s impossible to clear his mind, but maybe he doesn’t have to. Maybe he just has to focus on the right things.

The right thing.

_Save Rose._  
_Find Rose._

Before it’s too late.

Save her.

It’s not too late.

Rose.  
Rose.  
_Rose..._

And then, too slowly and yet startlingly sudden, the life on this moon bursts into his mind, the Force now vibrant, alive, thrumming in his veins. He can smell each blade of grass, hear each flap of insect wings, and feel each pebble, each speck of dust in that trench, each particle that’s burying Rose.

_Rey!_ He cries in his mind, sure now that she can hear him. _Ben! Help!_

_Rose..._

The digger. He’s got to lift the machine off of her, but what if he dislodges more dirt, buries her deeper. He’s going to have to grab all of it at once: the digger, the dirt, all of it. He can’t do that.

_Rose._

He can. He has to, just enough to hold it until Rey comes.

Eyes still closed, Finn reaches out his hand, the physical act a focal point for his mind, just as Rey has taught him. He pictures the digger, the clay earth, and imagines Rose, underneath, and now he can feel her. She’s alive, vibrant in his mind, electric, warmth and light and she’s so _scared, trapped_ and an immense certainty settles in his heart. He can do this. For her.

He breathes, in and out, and the digger starts to rise, slowly but surely, and with it the earth, as though caught in an invisible net. The Force. Flowing as his command... his request. Finn is shaking, sweat breaking out on his brow, and he falls to his knees, hand still outstretched. He is filled with the essence of all of the life around him, channeling the Force with everything he has, everything he is, everything he will be.

He doesn’t know how much time passes, probably seconds but possibly decades, and then Rey is kneeling beside him, her hand on his leg, yelling in his ear, or whispering, he’s not sure.

“Finn! We’ve got it. Ben’s got her, Finn, she’s safe, you can let go.... it’s okay, Finn, she’s okay. We’ve got her.” And his eyes open, surfacing from the eternal, infinite flow of the Force. He sees Ben kneeling on the ground, Rose in his arms. She’s covered in dust and dirt, _alive,_ responding groggily as Ben speaks to her quietly, and then the digger, the dirt, all of it falls back into the trench as Finn collapses on the ground, exhausted, pure relief flooding his veins as unconsciousness overcomes him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My kids finally got to watch TROS and they LOVE it, so now I’ve seen it several times. Experiencing it with them has helped me to not hate it quite so much. But I still gag every time Rey tells Leia that she will someday “earn” her brother’s saber 🙄
> 
> ~~~~~~~~~~  
> Ben’s vision is in chapter 25 of A Little More Conversation ;)


	9. Revelations

Finn opens his eyes to see Rey, her arm under his, holding him up. The sky is so bright, casting a halo around her face, and he squints, still feeling that everything is too light... too real.

“Finn...” her voice is as soft as her smile. “Hey... you’re okay.”

“Rose,” he gasps, still not sure what happened or how long it’s been. He’s still lying on the grass, and when he musters the strength to turn his head he can see a dark shape in the distance, moving toward the _Falcon_. Ben, carrying Rose in his arms.

“She’s okay Finn, really. You saved her.” Rey’s smile is bright with pride and relief. “Lifting rocks... I knew you had it in you.”

He’s still dazed, tries to sit up, but Rey puts a steadying arm under his. “Take a minute, Finn, you’re wiped out.”

“Rose,” he says again hoarsely, the only word he knows, the only word that matters.

“She’s fine. Ben’s got her, she’s okay.”

Still he struggles to get up, he’s got to get to her. 

“Finn,” Rey’s face is gentle but her voice is firm. “She okay,” _with Ben._ “Trust me. I love her too. Take a minute, and then we’ll go to them.”

Finn nods, defeated, exhausted. Accepting.

****************

After a few minutes of lying dazedly in the sun, Rey’s shadow softening the glare in his eyes, he’s ready to stand. He’s woozy at first, but Rey steadies him firmly as the ground returns to its rightful place.

By the time they get to the _Falcon_ Finn’s feeling a bit better. Or maybe he’s energized by the urgency to get to Rose. He can feel her now, through the Force, in a way he never has before. He’s always been aware of her, he can recognize her signature when she’s nearby, but now it’s like she’s a... beacon. A magnet, tugging at him. A refuge, where his soul wants to sit and be at home.

He’s still dazed, the after-effect of such an intense use of the Force. He’s never drawn on it like that before... never before felt so _compelled_ , never before felt such a _need_. He’d sought Rose out there, under the dirt, drawn on her presence, her aura, to focus his energy. And now she’s still... imprinted on his mind. An afterimage of that intense connection, he figures.

Ben has laid her on the alcove bench, and is appraising her carefully, but when they approach he steps back, allowing Finn and Rey to her bedside.

He puts a hand on Rey’s back, speaking low to her. “Shoulder’s dislocated, I think. And probably broken ribs.”

Rose groans, wincing. “Ugh, you guys... I’m so sorry.”

“Hush.” Ben chastises gently. “Head seems fine,” he continues. “She was braced under the tread, kept her from getting crushed until...” he looks at Finn, tilts his head in approval, but Finn hardly notices. He sees only Rose. “But you should look her over, you’re better with healing,” Ben finishes, and then, with a nod to Finn, he steps away.

“I’m fine, just the shoulder,” Rose protests weakly, then grimaces again with the breath required to speak. “And maybe the ribs,” she gasps.

“Of course you’re fine,” Rey says gently. “Finn saved you,” she adds with a gleam. “I’ll just check you over and we’ll get you fixed up.”

Rose nods, and Rey steps up, closing her eyes and hovering a hand lightly over her body. Finn can feel her opening up to the Force, and then Rey stops and looks to him, a strangely knowing smile on her face. “Join me, Finn. If you’re not too tired. It will be good practice. And if that’s okay with you, Rose,” she adds.

“Of course.” Rose says, her voice faint, shallow. “I trust you both.” Finn is suddenly nervous, but that connection between them is still humming, and as Rey takes his hand and holds it over Rose, he feels it again, stronger: an anchor. A refuge. “Just relax, find me in the Force, and follow,” Rey says gently. “And don’t forget to breathe.”

Finn closes his eyes. Rey is a beacon, she burns so bright in the Force. But now there’s another light: Rose. She’s different from Rey, but he’s drawn to her like... home. There’s places in his heart that have been empty, hollow, and... she fits there, glowing, radiant. He’s vaguely aware of the way Rey’s aura moves over Rose’s body, checking for injuries, but he can only watch, soothed and strengthened by the peace he feels, as her warmth fills his missing places.

_Does she know? Does she feel it too?_

He’s jarred back to himself when Rey speaks. He has eyes only for Rose, but she doesn’t, won’t, meet his gaze. “I’ll set the shoulder and the ribs, Rose, and I can heal the muscles and tendons around them. You’ve got some internal bruises that will hurt tomorrow, but I can lessen those too. We have Bacta, if you’re more comfortable with that, but honestly, I’m better.” She smiles with a twinkle.

Rose nods, and finally a smile ghosts across her face. “Of course you are.”

“Then I’d suggest letting me help you sleep for a few hours. It gives the body time to settle down, especially since you’re not Force sensitive. Rapid healing can be a little overwhelming. We have sedatives, too, but again,” she shrugs modestly.

“Thanks, Rey, that sounds great, all of it. I’m sorry about delaying your project,” Rose says weakly, more like a whisper, but Rey cuts her off, placing a hand gently on her friend’s cheek.

“Rose, don’t. Don’t worry one bit. Just rest, and heal. We have all the time in the world.”

“Will you stay with me?” Rose lifts her eyes to Finn, her usually confident voice surprisingly small. It’s the first she’s addressed him, first she’s even looked at him, since the accident.

“Of course,” he says, taking a breath to steady himself, trying not to drown in her dark eyes. “Of course I will. For as long as you want.”

Rose smiles weakly and lifts her good hand up toward him. He takes it, immediately wrapping his fingers around her small hand, as she closes her eyes and sighs.

“Ready when you are,” she says weakly.

***************

Rey eases Rose to sleep with a light Force suggestion before resetting her shoulder and mending her ribs. Finn stands beside her, holding Rose’s hand. He doesn’t trust himself to do anything more. Ben comes back with a damp cloth and hands it to Finn.

“For the dust,” he says quietly, indicating her face.

“Oh... yeah... thanks.” Finn says, hesitant at first, moving gingerly, wiping the dirt away from her eyes, her face, then her hand, still entwined in his. He smooths the hair back from her face and sighs.

Rey surfaces from the Force sooner than Finn expects, standing for a moment just gazing on her friend. Then she tucks a blanket around her and turns to Finn. “I’m going to let her sleep for a few hours, it’ll help a lot.”

“You did great,” Rey adds. “Really. She’ll be fine. We’ll let her rest and get started again tomorrow. There’s no rush. You should probably take a nap too, you look exhausted.”

“Nah...” he says. “I’m alright. I’m gonna stay here with her, if that’s okay with you. I mean, it’s your ship.”

“Finn, of course.” Her smile is bright, genuine. Like always. “Here,” she tugs a chair over from the corner, arranging it beside Rose’s bed. It’s nicer, more plush than anything he remembers from the _Falcon_ before. “Sit. Stay.”

He sinks into it and falls asleep in moments, still clutching Rose’s hand.

***************

Finn wakes confused, disoriented, until he recognizes the _Falcon_ , and everything comes rushing back. _Rose._ His eyes dart to her, drinking her in, assuring himself that’s she’s here, she’s real. She looks so peaceful in sleep, and now that he’s calm again, and rested, he can feel her aura in the Force. She’s okay. He remembers the last time he’d seen her unconscious, in this same bunk, so long ago. They’ve been here before. And he let it slip away. He’s not going to make that mistake again.

Their hands have slipped apart as they slept, hers now dangling over the edge of the bed. He stands, stretching stuff muscles, then lifts her hand gently, just brushing his lips along her knuckles: an assurance to himself, a promise to her, before placing it softly on her stomach.

“She’s going to be fine,” Finn turns, startled, as Ben enters the lounge, bearing two steaming mugs.

“Oh. Yeah. Yeah, thanks.” Finn nods, his gaze gliding inexorably back to Rose.

“Rey’s an exceptional healer,” Ben adds, a wry pride in his voice, and Finn smiles weakly.

“Yeah. I bet she is.” He takes the mug Ben offers, glancing around. “Where is she?”

“I made her take a nap. Force healing can be ... draining.” Finn looks alarmed for a moment, and Ben chuckles. “She’ll be fine.” He pauses, then adds, “you can’t spare the people you love from everything. Sometime, some pain is ... worth it.”

Ben takes a seat in the lounge, silent again, as Finn turns back to Rose. She’s still a bit dusty but her color is good, her breathing steady, even.

“You did well, Finn,” Ben says into the silence. “Rey told me you’ve been... struggling. With telekinesis. But that was really well done, handling all that dirt, and the digger.” He nods approvingly, and for a fleeting moment Finn is tempted to deflect, to defend, but... he doesn’t want to fight anymore.

“I... I just couldn’t lose her,” he says in wonder, almost to himself. The revelation is staggering. _I don’t want to lose her._

“Yeah. I get it.” Ben’s voice is quiet, sympathetic. “It’s often like that,” he says, musing. “That fear of losing someone you love, that can be a powerful motivator. I’d never been able to heal until...”

 _Love._ Finn starts, a bolt of lightning shooting through his veins, every nerve in his body suddenly tingling. He loves her. Rose. Well, of course he does, She’s... well, she’s Rose. But... he _loves_ her.

Ben watches, seems to be struggling with something, consternation flickering across his face, and then he sighs, and says, with a hint of exasperation in his tone, “You know she loves you, too, right?”

“What?” Finn splutters, his world tilting... but then he recovers. “Yeah, I mean, we’ve been through a lot together...” He gulps a too-large draught of caf to cover his confusion, the heat flooding his face.

Ben shakes his head, as though addressing a wayward child in need of patient correction, and Finn glances at him over the rim of his mug. He does _not_ like the look in his eyes.

“No, Finn. I mean, she’s _in love_ with you. _Love_ , love. You know what that is, right? I know stormtrooper training was a bit sparse in some areas, but...” he smirks again.

But Finn’s not even listening. His knees are suddenly weak, his head swirling in confusion... he does know what that is, doesn’t he? And she isn’t, couldn’t possibly be... _is she?_

“What? No she isn’t. How would you even know that? She’s not, I mean, do you guys even _talk?_ ” Finn can’t believe this, this conversation, with _him_ , and about _her_...

“We don’t need to talk for it to be obvious. Plus, well, you know,” and Ben taps his temple. “And not that I’m invading her privacy.” Ben raises his free hand in surrender. “It’s just... it’s obvious.”

Finn is astounded. “Yeah, well, I’ve got” _tap_ _tap_ “too, and she isn’t. You don’t know her that well. She loves everyone! She... sees the best in everyone. She cares about everyone. She always has... _that’s just Rose!_ ”

Finn sees the look of sympathy cross Ben’s face. He is _so_ not having this out with _him_. His gaze returns to Rose again, suddenly mystified. Awed.

“She’s always been that way,” he repeats faintly... “as long as I’ve known her.” Finn is still protesting, the confusion in his mind and the electricity in his veins are making his thoughts hazy. _This can’t be happening.  
_

_How could I have missed it?_

But Ben speaks softly, honestly. “I get it. It can be hard to see what’s right in front of you, what becomes so familiar that you take it for granted. It’s just... there. Until it isn’t. But neither of you are being honest with yourselves. Or each other.”

He shrugs lightly, taking a too-casual sip from his mug. “Rey would tell me to stay out of it,” he concedes with a tilt of his head, “she has, in fact. And you can too, if you want. But... I wasted too much of my own life hiding from the truth. Out of fear. And I know about being afraid of getting hurt, too... that if you allow yourself to care too much you won’t be able to survive... losing them. But I also know about deceiving yourself. Some things are worth the risk, but... well, don’t wait until it’s too late to find out.”

 _How do you know so much about feelings? Or honesty, or love?_ He wants to yell, to get angry, feel anything that will tamp down this impossible swell of hope that rises in his chest. Instead, he collapses into the chair, free-falling toward a future he can’t see. Hadn’t even realized could ever be possible.

_I know how to fight._  
_How to work._  
_How to protect._  
_Do I know how to love?_


	10. It Isn't Too Late

Rose awakening had felt to Finn like waves lapping on a shore: gentle but insistent. He had stood over her gently, possessively, determined to be the first thing she saw when she opened her eyes, eyes that had never seemed to him so warm and bright and _alive._ He’d realized then that he was still holding her hand, and even more wonderingly, she let him. He hadn’t wanted to leave her side, but it was clear that a shower and change of clothes were in order. So Rey had accompanied Rose back to her own ship, with promises from both of them to return soon.

And now Finn finds himself outside, perched on the same crate where he’d spoken with Rey only the day before. It seems so long ago now. Darkness falls fast, the stars fairly popping into view, startling in their intensity. How quickly things change here. How quickly everything’s changed.

***************

Finn turns at the sound of footsteps on the ramp as Ben descends. He hesitates, then takes a seat next to Finn on the crate.

Finn purses his lips, thinking. Realizing that the company next to him isn’t unwelcome. How much has changed… _Friendship_ may still be a ways off between them, but… _kinship_ might not be so hard. They do have a lot in common.

“Listen, Solo, can I ask you a question?” Finn’s voice surprises them both in the evening quiet.

Ben raises an eyebrow, whether in acceptance of the request or irritation at the name Finn doesn’t know, but he doesn’t object, and now that Finn’s started, he’s plowing ahead.

“At the... village... on Jakku...” Finn pauses, and feels the tension gathering in Ben again, but all he hears is a short grunt.

“Well, I mean, you saw me, right? You knew I wasn’t firing?”

Ben doesn’t meet Finn’s eyes, but he nods, once.

“Oh man, I mean, I thought I was dead.” The terror of that moment comes flooding back to him, the certainty that his life was about to unravel. And in a way it had. Just not in the way he expected. “In that moment, I was sure I was done for... but... why?”

His question goes beyond the simple confusion of the moment. _Why,_ he wants to know, _why was_ I _spared?_ _So many were lost._ “Why didn’t you kill me? Or, I mean, do something? If you knew...?”

Ben is silent a long time. Finn finally risks a glance, sees out of the corner of his eye Ben’s gaze on the far distance, his jaw tight, clenching and unclenching, and Finn knows he’s looking beyond sight.

Finally he speaks, his voice softer than Finn ever would have imagined could come from the monster in the mask. “I’d like to say it was the Force... that I had an inclination that something important was unfolding.” But then he stops, grimacing. “I might also try to convince you, or myself, that I... did find that situation... regrettable. But at the time I didn’t see any other way forward. It was... necessary.”

Ben sighs, his eyes bright, as he seems to be working to contain himself. To put the past into words.

“I haven’t answered your question.” Ben huffs, a short exhale that seems to carry the weight of too many years, too many unanswerable questions. “But perhaps the truth is, I simply had more important things to do than concern myself with a lowly stormtrooper, and I would just report you to Captain Phasma.”

Finn nods. “Yeah. I figured. She ordered me to reconditioning. That’s when I... left.”

Ben looks at him, surprised. “I didn’t, actually,” he says. “Report you.” And then he repeats again, almost wonderingly. “I... didn’t.”

“But, _why?_ ” Finn’s truly surprised, now. That’s the question: _Why? What set all this in motion? How did we end up here? How can this, what we have, have worked itself out through so many dumb choices, chance meetings, opportunities taken or missed, that led us here? How did we get so kriffing lucky?_

Ben looks away again, as though he can find the answers across the years. “I don’t know, exactly... but perhaps...Perhaps I saw in you something in myself. Perhaps for a brief moment I admired that you were able to make a choice and believe in it, something that seemed to constantly elude me. That you seemed to truly know what was right, and to act on it. With a certainty that I’d not been able to grasp in myself in a long, long time.”

Ben’s voice catches, and Finn looks away, suddenly embarrassed, but also, strangely, sympathetic.

“It didn’t feel like certainty at the time,” he finally says. “It felt more like... panic.”

Ben nods slowly, taking a deep breath. “Yeah. But I think... sometimes certainty isn’t a feeling... sometimes it’s a choice.”

They’re silent another moment, and then Ben smirks. “Or, again, perhaps,” and now Finn definitely detects an air of amusement, “a lowly stormtrooper with poor conditioning was not worth my notice.” And Finn is sure now that he sees a smile tugging at the corners of Ben’s mouth.

“Right...” Finn says slowly. “Well, whatever it was...” He’s certainly not about to _thank_ the guy for _not killing_ him. That’s just basic human decency.

Yeah. Basic human decency.

Finn sighs. “So, you know... thanks. Whatever it was.... I’m glad it worked out the way it did.”

“Yeah,” Ben says. “Yeah. Me too.” He’s quiet for several heartbeats, and then speaks again in that dulcet voice that Finn still finds surprisingly gentle. “And thank you, for... finding her… and… protecting her. Rey. I know she couldn’t have done... what she did, any of it, without you. Without the love of her friends.”

They both look up as a swishing shadow in the grass resolves into Rose, clean and refreshed. Ben stands, planting a brief hand on Finn's shoulder before slipping away quietly up the ramp to the _Falcon_.

***************

Finn watches Rose approach, his eyes never leaving her. She stops in front of him and smiles. It’s only been one rotation since they last met under the starlight, but it seems a whole new world.

“Hey.” Her voice is as soft and warm as always.  
“Hey.” He replies. “You look good.”

“Hm,” she huffs lightly. “Thanks.”

“Yeah.” He nods. He still can’t take his eyes off her, though she looks away into the shadows across the plains. With him seated they’re nearly the same height, and he’s momentarily paralyzed by the view, her profile soft in the starlight. Finally she turns to him.

“Thank you for saving me.” Her voice is soft and sweet, music to his soul.

He reaches out, desperate to touch her, to make this, _her,_ real, but redirects at the last moment to run his hand across his own face. “I didn’t really do much, Rey woulda gotten there—"

“Finn! Don’t do this!” He’s startled by her intensity. Her frustration pours out as though a dam has burst. “Don’t take this away from me. Don’t dismiss me!” She huffs again, plopping down next to him on the crate, clearly exasperated. “You’re always doing that, dismissing my feelings, dismissing yourself. As if you’re not worthy of the truth.”

She closes her eyes, embarrassed, and he cringes, heart sinking, because this is _not_ how he wanted this to go. But then something, maybe the near death experience, the starlight, something makes her bold, because she opens them again, looks right at him, surprisingly stern. “You’re amazing. In so many ways.”

“I’m... I’m amazing?” Finn recoils, surprised, caught between skepticism and astonishment.

“Of course you are, dummy!” She rolls her eyes. “Stars... you really are clueless.” She’s muttering to herself now. “I mean, Rey’s tried to tell me, but I didn’t believe it, because of course, what does that say about me, that I’m in love with such an idiot—" she stops abruptly.

“You... what?” He sputters, his breath caught on the lump of disbelief in his throat. “You love me?”

She looks away, stricken, but doesn’t speak.

“You love me? Like, love, love me?” He repeats, astounded.

“I kissed you!” She says indignantly, still looking away. “That usually means something!”

“Yeah, but then you... then you never said anything, you never talked about it, we didn’t...” his confusion manifests in his inability to form a complete thought.

“I was embarrassed that you didn’t say anything!” She spits out. “I figured you weren’t.... I mean, you had to have heard what I said, and then you never...”

“Rose, you were delirious, then you passed out—"

“But you didn’t say anything back,” she continues as if she hadn’t heard him. “And then... when I woke up... Rey was back.” She sighs. “And I knew it was hopeless. The whole time we were together, on Canto Bight, and... after... honestly from the moment we met, your whole thing was getting back to her, but I hoped, maybe... I mean, not that I hoped she wouldn’t come back! Gosh no. Just, I hoped you were starting to see me the way I saw you.”

“But then she was back, and you were all about her, following her around like a baby chickling, and I just... how could I compete with that? I mean, she’s my friend now, of course she’s amazing, but... I’m not, I’m not that. I’m not like her. And after Paige... you were kinda my only friend, for a while... and then you became my family! Ugh, this all sounds so pitiful.” She huffs again, agitated. “I didn’t want to risk that... I didn’t want to lose that. Lose you. So I decided to get over it. Move on. But... I didn’t really.”

Finn is stunned. Rose sniffles, desperately trying to keep from crying. Finn hasn’t seen her cry since they met, since Paige... she’s always been so strong. It suddenly hits him how much she’s hurting. How much he’s hurt her. By not seeing her. By doubting her, and himself. By being afraid.

“But I could see she wasn’t like that with you,” Rose manages a light laugh. “I could just tell, and I kept hoping you’d see that too, even though I felt so petty about it, I knew it would hurt you, but then at least you might move on. And then when she finally told us about... Ben, and it all made sense, and I thought, then, maybe... maybe you’d finally see me.” Rose’s voice is so small now Finn can barely hear her. But he knows. His heart knows.

“Rose,” Finn says helplessly, still catching up. Finally realizing....

“No!” Rose says firmly, putting a hand up as if to stop him, hold him back. “No, Finn, I’m not going to be your runner up. I love Rey like... like a sister, and I’m glad she’s happy. And I’m not going to be your consolation prize. I... love you too much for that. I don’t want to be who you settle for, just because you feel sorry for me.”

“No, Rose.” Revelation fills his eyes, his heart. “It’s always been you. I didn’t know you felt the same way.... I didn’t know.”

“No, Finn, don’t.” She says sharply. “Don’t make it worse by lying to me.” But he feels a flicker of hope, shimmering off her, and it almost breaks his heart.

“Rose...” He says again, so tenderly, so gently, wishing she’d look at him. He reaches out tentatively, bringing his hand to her cheek, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Please, Rose, look at me. Please.”

She finally softens, letting him turn her face to his. He’s never seen her so vulnerable.

“I...” And then he falters, and a nervous laugh escapes. “I don’t know how to do this. You know that, Rose, we’ve talked about this. I didn’t have a family, parents, siblings... I didn’t know what love is, Rose. It wasn’t exactly covered in stormtrooper training,” he laments, mentally rolling his eyes at the memory of Ben’s... assistance.

“When I met Rey, it was a feeling I’d never had before. And it took me a long time to figure out what that was, but I wasn’t in love with her. I’m not. I promise you that. When I met you, I realized I didn’t feel the same about you as I did for her, but I didn’t know what that was either. I knew it was different. It wasn’t as sudden, as sharp, for you, as it was for her, but as I got to know you... it was more than that.”

He puts his hand to her face again, his thumb brushing away a tear, “but I didn’t know what that meant. And we never talked about it, after you... kissed me, and I figured I’d missed my chance. I thought it was too late. Until today. Today I understood what ‘too late’ really looks like. What... losing you... would really be like.”

“You honestly didn’t know? Ugh.” Rose huffs, exasperated. “I thought it was so obvious. Especially since you have, you know,” she waves her hand lightly near her head, “the Force. I mean, I’ve never been in love before, I don’t know about any of this stuff. So I figured you must know how I felt, and you were just too... kind... to mention it.”

“Rose,” Finn traces his fingers along the back of her hand. So small, so soft, so capable. “I don’t know how to break it to you,” he says ruefully. “But... you love everyone you meet. Eventually,” he amends, remembering their first meeting, and her taser.

She huffs a laugh, looking away, but the blush on her cheeks gives him the courage to continue. “I though it was just you. You’re so kind, so friendly, to everyone. I thought that was just who you are. I didn’t realize there was more, there. With us. I’m sorry, Rose. I’m so sorry I didn’t see it. That I didn’t see you. And myself,” he adds with a touch of wonder.

“I didn’t see it in myself, either.” He takes her hand in his now, wrapping his fingers around hers. She looks down, but doesn’t pull her hand away. “I was... so scared. That you’d get hurt, or, honestly, that I would. Kriff, Rose, you almost died for me!” He exclaims, squeezing her hand tighter. “How could I live with that? So I tried to protect you, protect us both... so that wouldn’t happen again. So we wouldn’t get hurt.”

He feels exasperated now, with himself, with his own fear. After everything he’s faced... and the faint hope that perhaps, just maybe, it’s not too late, is growing, straining against the confines of his chest.

“I was afraid.” He finally confesses. “I thought... I mean, Rose, I don’t have anything to offer you. I’m still figuring out who I am, I don’t have a family, or... I don’t even have a name to give you!”

Tears fall freely down her cheeks now, and Finn feels helpless. He wants to wrap her in a hug, wipe away her tears, kiss her under the starlight until the sun rises. But he’s frozen.

“I have a name,” she says quietly, firmly. “That’s not what I wanted.”

Rose pulls her hand away, and Finn is afraid he’s lost her, but then she speaks, barely a whisper, floating above the rustle of the grass and the thudding in his chest. “It’s not too late.”

“What?” He turns to her, his voice catching as his heart leaps into his throat.

She turns to him then, and miracle of miracles, she smiles. At him. It’s a small smile, but the warmth it stirs in his soul is all-consuming. Enveloping him, swathing him in her kindness. Her forgiveness.

“I mean, it might not be too late. You could probably try again... I could possibly let you try, to... make it up to me.” And through her tears her smile quirks, briefly.

“Rose...” he sighs, thawing now under the glow of her gaze on him, stoking the embers of hope in his heart. He cautiously, carefully reaches out, gathering her up in his arms, holding her gently against his chest. “Really? I mean, you’d be willing, we could try, I could...” his words are a jumble but his heart is clear. It’s never been more clear.

“I just couldn’t imagine what you would see in me.” Finn says quietly, brushing his lips lightly to the crown of her hair.

“See in you?” She scoffs. “Everything!” She sighs softly. “Everything.”

“I’m sorry,” he says again. “That I just didn’t see it. Didn’t see you.”

“Well,” she pulls back slightly, turning to meet his eyes. “Go ahead. Look now.”

His eyes rove slowly over her face, taking in each detail, her soft features so familiar, now so unexpected, so new. She watches him, her own gaze steady, resolute, sure.

Finally, he blinks, and makes a decision.

“Can I...um... try again?”

His eyes flicker to her lips, and she smiles, nods. “Yeah. Definitely.”

And so he does.

***************

At noon the next day the sun is high in the sky, bright as ever, but there’s a humidity in the breeze that wasn’t there yesterday. Rey points to a low gray shadow on the horizon, a smoky smudge in the distance. “Rain,” she says, the excitement in her voice unmistakable. “Sure you don’t want to stay? It will be something amazing. You’ve never seen rain like it...” she glances at him, sly now. “Well, maybe _you_ have, but _I_ hadn’t.” She shivers with anticipation, and Finn smiles fondly at her delight.

He shakes his head, gaze drifting to Rose, standing with Ben, datapad in hand as they discuss some final, or not so final, detail of the construction.

“Nah. We’ve got to get back...” they’ve decided to leave the transport here, rather than unload it, and Rose will come home with him on the _Land Shark._ _Home._ His heart flutters at the word. It has a whole new meaning, now. _Home._

He turns to her then, serious now. “But we’ll be back. We both will.”

She nods with equal solemnity. “I know. Thank you. For coming. And for... trying. With Ben. Even if it was just for my sake.”

“Aw,” he shoulders her playfully. “You’re worth it.” But then his tone drops again, and he grudgingly admits, “It was good for me, too. I needed to... see some things, for myself.” He looks away. “Some things I was afraid of, some things I didn’t want to admit.”

Rey follows his gaze. “So, things are good, there?” She nods in Rose’s direction.

Finn nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I think so.”

“Good,” Rey smiles. _“Finally.”_ He chuckles ruefully.

Rey pats his knee lightly. “I know you’ll take good care of each other. You always have. You’ve taken good care of all of us.”

Ben looks suddenly in their direction, almost as though summoned, and Finn sees it now, what he didn’t want to see before: _his_ love for her. It’s written all over his face, it’s positively searing through the Force. The honesty, the simplicity, it’s staggering.

“He really loves you.” Finn says quietly.

“Mhmm,” Rey nods, her gaze still on Ben. “Crazy, huh?”

“Hardly.” Finn scoffs, but then turns solemn. “I don’t... I don’t know how to do that,” he confesses quietly.

Rey turns to him, her smile soft, her eyes warm. “It’s not as hard as it seems, Finn. But... I think you do. It’s different for everyone, but in your own way, you do. And Rose certainly does. She’ll teach you. If you'll let her.”

“Ha.” He huffs shortly, though not reluctantly. “Then I guess I’ll learn.” _For her sake. For us._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU to everyone who has joined me on this journey. Discovering how much I love writing has helped keep my heart happy during this pandemic time. And to everyone who's shared their own works giving Rey and Ben a happy ending, thank you thank you thank you!!!
> 
> I thought I would be done writing in this world after this fic, but another idea has sprung, so perhaps I'll see you again soon...💗


	11. A prequel!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have finally finished the third and final (?) part of this series! Turns out it’s a trilogy, fitting, right? And even better, it’s a prequel! Ah, Star Wars. 
> 
> Rey travels to Ahch-To to pick up Ben, where they say hello to each other and goodbye to the island, before heading out to choose a location for the Jedi school. It is composed entirely of Reylo fluff and happiness amidst Ahch-To antics, with a scene-stealing porg cameo, because I for one need all the smiles I can get right now!
> 
> Click the series link to find it...

Thank you so much for reading! Reading and writing Star Wars has kept me afloat these last few months, and I am truly thrilled by every comment and kudo!


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